Sometimes...

Sometimes i wish i am not a girl, at least i don't feel dat cold when he's not around.

Sometimes i feel scared...frightened...alone, I sit in a place where everything stops to a standstill and i wonder if it will stay like this.

Sometimes, my concerns seems to unnecessary, sometimes a little more when it seems it's not my concerns that are..It's just me being the one more than unnecessary.

Sometimes, i look up to this sky with no stars when i wonder why is mine so far.

Sometimes I miss him so much, it hurts. It just isn't the same when i can feel his warmth and breath, and when i can't.

Sometimes it hurts so much, i can't say anything. I feel once i do, it'll just be another more than unnecessary thing or feelings i can't help but have. Which just makes me feel like an unnecessary person in the 1st place.

Sometimes I feel if i am chucked aside like an unnecessary object in the first place i will be forgotten, then i try so hard to make myself work, but sometimes i feel dat i'm just being an annoyance.

Sometimes i stay silent. Maybe that's the best way to keep me at bay...to just stop trying to do anything...maybe some time after, he'll just turn to look at me.

Sometimes i wonder if I'm a life, a hobby or a task, I am stupid so i can never figure it out.

Sometimes I was the only beautiful one, sometimes the most beautiful one, while other times not the only one.

Sometimes, whenever and whatevers are not real.

Sometimes he lets me doubt and worry, yet i must not interfere with it. Because sometimes he doesn't know how insecure i am and it seems i am the one dealing with it, since he say so (i believed in it). Sometimes i must deal with it on my own since it's my own problem, though i was told it's not some fairytale time ago.
 
Sometimes people make fun of the ring i wear, about how simple it look and how cheap it is, but i never took it off. No one knows how precious it is to me, sometimes it hurts when they insult it.

Sometimes i take things a little literally, i hate having a good memory and remembering things that was once happy and now not. Promises and broken ones, flash backs and Déjà vu. Sometimes, i am not allowed to speak about it. Most of them, sometimes, are his voice, which i wish it could be in a happy tone all the time.
 
Sometimes, i know. Sometimes i don't. Sometimes i just pretend to be blind and deaf. While other times, a little confused.

Sometimes...

I wish i am not a girl at all, at least dat girly side of me, i wish it's totally gone.

At least like dat, i might understand him more. At least like dat, i can be less of a nonsense.

Maybe like dat, he'll love me more.