Is there something to look forward to?

These days phil is infested with the flood and problems after the flood. Mac is sick and busy as well, 1st things to do in case the flood comes back, his pain in back and his computers spoiled. The usual one thanks to hardware probs and the eeky one drowned in the flood. I don't wanna make him more upset or wat not, making him like eternally unable to heal since he has been having the pains with or without fever for the 3rd week already. Dat stupid sickness have been testing my patience, taking his time away from me. All he do is sleep these days, else be the phone dying out or just i dunno...

I been calling him a lot, already drained away about 17 bucks just because i need him. ="< and sometimes i can't even call because his phone is dead.

My computer means nothing to me now, since i dunno when he gonna contact me, or when he wanna contact me. Mac tells me not to think about him if it makes me upset, eat if i want to sleep if i want to and not always wait for him. Each time he appears at a random time around 2~3am...If i were to sleep when i am tired, i would have miss him for another day and if i keep doing dat, i doubt dat i can even talk to him for the past week.

These days i look at the computer, mac would contact me normally around 8 or 10...or 12....3am?...or...i don't know, it just keeps getting later and later. Each time i stare at the clock while hours and hours pass by like without a care in the world, it feels like a have nothing to look forward to anymore. He won't come on...even though i miss him so much so much and it doesn't help.

I miss the days i would rush home and quickly finish all my work, so i can talk to him when he comes on without having to be distracted and stress out by things i do. then we would talk about things and make funny actions in front of webcam and sleep together with the webcam on without a care. Now the webcam is on, we're talking but he doesn't look at me much at all, when he goes to bed he leaves the computer outside or off it, thus i am back to sleeping alone again. I never liked sleeping alone, i keep waking up every 2~3hrs and it's very difficult to fall back to sleep each time i am awake...i leave the computer on in case he comes on and look for me, i leave the irritating alert sounds so it rings me to wake up. (not all the time it works waking me up, but mostly it does) Well, anyways...it doesn't ring other than when the group chat with shukangs n gang ppl suddenly type something to spam. walang msg mo. ="<

Even so everyday i just keep waiting until he comes on at 2, 3am. Meanwhile i draw and talk to Johnel, who still very passionate in teaching me how to speak tagalog. Johnel is teaching me very well, i understand a lot, though his english is not good, as he says. He says i improving alot since i have very good memory. I wish one day i can say to mac excitedly, "Usap nalang tayo tagalog." If that would ever happen.

Sigh...I miss u mac. I miss u so much. Days with me sleeping by com with u there snoring, or days when i am sleeping while u give me kisses, i miss and love so much...please don't take it away.