I am sorry mac

I know i makulit and u sick, i should be good girl and let you heal well. I dunno wat to feel who to talk to, i talk with johnel. He makes me feel less lonely but i am still worried about your back. I couldn't help but cry and cry...i dunno why i can't stop. You told me to stop thinking about u if it makes me feel bad, but how can i don't? You are so much so much to me, i feel so bad not being able to do anything to help, yet my worries have become a burden to you it seems.

All this pressure in me pressing close to my heart, it hurts me so much mentally and literally. I know no matter how many times i say i no want you sick it won't help make you better, but i can't help it it all. I don't want to say or sound stupid to you, or maybe i am just stupid. All these worrying is driving me crazy, i dun think i am thinking straight anymore. I picked up an argument randomly on fb just because someone made a misunderstanding, i delete the comments and blocked the person. I don't wanna deal with this shit now and i am very exhausted. i know i am in wrong, but i cannot do anything about it since no one wanna accept my apology.

I feel very bad about myself now. maybe i am just no good.

Why am i so destructive like dat? I dun feel like myself at all. Neptune say is natural dat i am makulit. "ts natural, mahal mo siya" he says..but then but then...i could have composed myself better if i try harder right?

I topped up my phone asap just now and tried calling you. your phone ran out of batt. So i cannot disturb you. I dunno, i have much mixed emotions, i worry about your back pain and i miss you and i really really detest myself for all the nonsense and problems i am causing now. I thought lying down and hugging your shirt to sleep might help, ended up me just started crying whenever that scent of your perfume reaches the tip of my nose.

"Are u really going to be ok? Please take care of yourself problem, drink water to keep self hydrated" and "Remember to eat and take med on time, don't sleep in aircon!" i wanna say dat to you too. But dunno how to put it so dat you wun find me anymore annoying than i am now being like this panicking.

I don't know wat else to do.

I am so dependent on you dat now you are down, i feel like i cannot do anything without you. Everything don't matter to me anymore if i cannot see your smile. Everything seems dead, no matter how many company i have doesn't change the fact that i need you more than anything else. I am sorry i cannot pick myself up alone.

I don't need a comedy or a joke to make me smile, all i want is you to be by my side. For now i hope dat u can forgive my nonsense and get well soon.

I love you so much so much and that will never change.

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