Urg....Kitty gots nomed by life.

Don't really know what the hell is wrong with me until i got slapped in the face during jap class, by a newspaper article about women getting depression.

I probably knows about it. But well, never much cared since I don't think it's important. Well, until me tryng to jump off a railing last thursday caught my attention. mewshhhhh.....*sigh*...

Am i being too hard on myself lately i wonder.
Or is just lacking to sleep my problem, that i stopped trying to be kind to myself.
I don't know.

But either way...thank god i have Leon~

Else i had not lived till now.

爱是很伟大的!!
(=^w^=)

If you want to know what happen...read on...

What happened was, i was really stressed that day.
My arms filled with scratched and marks from days before and the current day, done by myself. (I'm pathetic i know and i look like I've been abused. My arms looks rotten and torn.) I got irritated and frustrated, and i kinda took it out on him, once he mentioned another girl's name, praising her and such. I hate that.

Then he ignored me for a bit. I was really hurt. Though i was still smiling and such, i was really scared that he'll get upset. About I'm scared that him getting angry it's an excuse. Not that I'm that afraid of him, but I'm more afraid that he'll hate me for that. Being so stupid and all.

I was really messed up. I refused to move, once i reached woodlands station. Refused to go anywhere and I'm left to sit down and refused to talk. I am really really feeling much frustration that I'm very destructive and refused to let Leon or anybody touch me. So leon really left me alone...for like an hour plus or 2. I was so scared. I cried...I tried to call people but many of them didn't answer until i reached ah boy. I seriously was thinking of suiciding; jumping off the railing in front of me. I was standing there and talking with ah boy until i got a bit irritated by the phone. So i sat down again and quickly call Leon before anything stupid happens to me.

He said he was near his house block...

I have nothing to say. Why is he so far away? (Leon told me on the phone today that he was intially near me, just across...but he kinda wondered off while talking on the phone with hentai) I dunno...that's probably a lie. But...It doesn'y make sense...if he were to be watching me why did he leave and didn't see me holding n pushing myself already half way off the railing trying to balance myself while making a choice to die or live.

but oh well.
I thought of him and our promises. so i decided to call him.

Then he came back.

i was literally shivering as i saw him approaching me. then he came around me and gave me a hug. I cried again.

I was hugging him so tight, tears was flowing out like a tap and me apologising unstop with my barely recognizable voice and volume. He tried to call my home, He was about to ask them if i could stay with him for tonight, since i not in the condition to go home, but my sisters hung his call. So he accompanied me to the interchange to see if there's still the last bus home. (Luckily there is and i went home)

But then again. I pondered.

Why didn't i kill myself that night and
why did i try to kill myself that night?

So again. Thank god for Leon, before i tried to do anything. You know...if that day, if Leon was angry or didn't answer...I would have jumped off for real. Thank you dar for loving me, and saving me. (=^w^=)