Kitty's doted and in distress...

These few days went by so fast and soon it shall be last week of March and 1/3 of my IAP will be done soons. I missed my friends in school and back here in internet lala land~ I will call up people once in a while to talk. But... ^w^ I'm happy that they're doing good!

Reading accounts of ghost stories in SG, in a book lately and gets really papranoid about the paranomals....lols
I don't go public toilets, i never view at mirror unless it's broad daylight, and Don't go anywhere dark and cramp and creepy. LOLs
Won't even let go of Leon at night. Ah~ and gets very tensed up whenever i reached Newton Mrt stn....hues~ (read Russel Lee's book 3 of the singapore true ghost stories) Hehehes

Ah~ So much work lately...
stress and tired all the time.
no appitite and stuffs.

And Then my body is phailing lately...
I get gastric pains and dizzy fainting spells really easily. Not only because i skip meals, it's becaused I'm really stressed up. The tension in my body lasts a long time, only going off late at night that i can finally fall asleep. Not only pains and dizziness, my breathing had been deeply affected as well. hyperventilation, panic attacks..all kinds off shitty health problems dropping themselves on me. But oh well, I'm eating well lately thanks to Leon~ Who is main provider of my nom noms. lols

I missed Leon every now and then whenever I am alone. I must be really really obsessed with him or something, since i dream about him every weekend without fail.

But things happened.
Maybe i am doted too much, so things got a little way too out off hands with my bipolar disorder and autistic self all back to haunt me, Leon and many others around me. He lets me bite him and hit him...but it gives me really big guilt to do this. cause' I never wanted to hurt him, but my depression gave way and i did it. He didn't want me to hurt myself...so he kinda sacrificed himself for it.

This morning, he was already pretty concerned about those wounds which are gonna get really ugly scars on my arms. There's no way i can save them i guess...but i din' regret doing any all these shit to myself though. just guilt makes me very upset, like i have done something wrong and bad to Leon. Sometimes, i get irritated by him because of little stupid things (<-- I shouldn't be so petty, but i can't help it) that he didn't intend to do, and i gets cold and ignores him and sometimes, bite him.

I guess...whatever i am now is well...torturing him. I know it gets him really upset when I emo or do stupid things or when i treat him coldly.

Sometimes I get confused, kinda emotionless for no reason and i feels like breaking off my limps and hurt myself. then i would calm down for no reason, still being very confused.

I was like that on wednesday...I was in total confusion...started talking about people treating me in a very calm tone. I wasn't feeling upset at all. just being all numb and tired in my tone.

Leon cried.

He was crying for me.
He said i was in pain. And that well, i just didn't realise it...that how much pain i kept in myself.

Well...am i?

He refuses to give me a straight answer though...but nevermind. I guess, it's just something i cannot comprehend and understand. (=^w^=)"

But he cares a lot about me. I must be more 长进 so that he can be more proud of me!
YOSH! I shall be guai~

(cause' scared of ur punishment) lol
But ya...i try to be guai....

...a bit.

hehe.

Both our mothers found out our relationship i guess.

Leon's mom was too smart for him, so the answers were leaked.
She accepted me of course, but with gentle reminders for Leon to not end us up in a broken matrimony.
My mom...she had a stalker following me i guess, and totally disagree on the fact that i can love and thinks that I'm some kind of slut.

The first thing i hear from her when i reach home after a week was "Someone saw a guy being intimate with u in the train...you don't come back if anything happens...the guy will never take responsibility if i get pregnant..."...etc
what the hell?!!

Leon will never abandon me like that!

plus, so what if I'm being intimate with him? He's my one and only true boyfriend, i love him. AND I DON'T FLIRT AS MUCH AS SHE DID WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER DUH~! I don't need to be like her and get pregnant before marriage.

Though I'm dumb, I still know how to be careful and things like that and I KNOW for sure, Leon will take care of me no matter what. He's smart in these matters. (I only smart technically and acadamically)

Well, yeah.

I know I will find happiness and secure finally now.
I believe with this love we had for each other can pull us through anything, for us, each other.

^w^

Kitty will turn out to be the princess with happy ending with true love, right?