Friday, August 31, 2012

Drifting

I have no idea since when, the time around me seemed to have stop. Nothing matters to me anymore. The empty coffee cup on my desk, the pain in my arm, the heat in my head and  the mosquitoes by by bed, all seemed to be just...so unreal. Not panicking when i am late, not worrying if i have done my assignments or not, not caring even when the glass bottles fall from my desk to the floor creating another crash again and again.

Nonetheless, I am still breathing.

The world is twirling without me, somewhat i don't feel included anymore. I often roam around the most familiar streets wondering where am i and who i am.

I see him and reach out my hands, yet i couldn't touch him. i can hear his voice, yet couldn't kiss him. I fall down to bed and cry, he pats me but i feel nothing. I sense his scent, yet not his warmth. The illusions clouded me, telling me he is near, yet unknowing far. What is this pain and fear in my heart? Is it even real? You say you are here with me, i truly believe so. But why does it hurt even more?

Back to the streets, the floor seems to be even more unreal. I can't believe i am pulled down by gravity. Am i? Am i not afloat as my mind deemed me to be?


Sunday, August 26, 2012

Another terrible weekend.

I thought i would get another day to rest this weekend but it has to be interrupted by a lot of things. I want to be alone, just with mac here with me. No one else and i don't need anyone else.

Today i got woke up by a phone call by Sunday boi,  he says he have something to pass to me so i have to wake up. Of course i got pissed off and all, why all this waking up over a small issue. then h says he will pass it to my father. OK fine. an hour later i got woke up again by my father telling me to wake up to pass him the printer. FINE then i go back to sleep after that he wakes me up again saying i am here by SMS + father waking me up again.

With the fire up in my head i changed my clothes went down with the heavy box of printer. In dat few sec, there was another crack sound from my joint, i dropped the printer on the floor abruptly and opened the gates while he pass me some biscuits, comic magazine i usually read, my lamp that he fixed. Still i was pretty mad while he still asked where's my printer. I pointed the direction towards the house and flared up "SO WHERE'S MY 700 BUCKS?!" He said because i didn't tell him to get it so he didn't. FUNNY THING i have to live with instant noodles and lack of the luxury to get new clothes or go shopping and shits just because i lack cash. OBVIOUSLY i lack moolah ok? Else i wouldn't be soooo frugal and saving up like hell. then he said he have some cash in his car and he will pass me the rest the next time he comes over. (EESH I NEVER WANT HIM TO EVER COME OVER AGAIN LORHH!!)

then after he took the printer, he asked me where's the scanner. i got even more pissed off then said, "MY ARM IS HURT AND U WANT ME TO GO UP THERE PACK THE THING FOR YOU THEN CARRY IT DOWN FOR YOU?" obviously he doesn't believe me but he doesn't care anyways. then he said, fine he'll take it the next time. Then he went to his car, got 300 bucks gave me and left.

I didn't look back after that and lock the door, i picked up the keys then twisted it to lock the lock THE PAIN THE STRUCK ME LIKE LIGHTNING ALL OVER MY ARM! THE FUCK!!

I went back up to rest after that but it still hurts a lot, so i went down got the icepack, put it over my arm and went back to slp after some ranting around about dat bitch yst. People just keep saying i am wrong by spreading word like dat and it just makes me like dat bitch herself. Dammit la, what kind of friends are these people. And Rousi tells me if i dun friend honey anymore i will drift away from the clique, to her and to Luesong.

That queen bee and her loyalties. If you're my friend you will find me when you need me, you don't fucking need her approval or permission right?

GRRRrrrrrrr.

I sleep for a pretty long time and woke up around 5pm+. My arm isn't getting better only more painful and is the only thing i felt when i woke up, the numbness and the pain. And neither is my brain, since i already ran out of ideas on how to do my assignments as well though they are due in 3 days time. It hurts and i seriously no want do anything when i can hardly do anything without hurting. i opened the door it hurts. i cook maggi, so yummy, my arm still hurts....so i switched arms.

I open door, pick up things with left hand. If feels wierd and aches somehow since it is not used to it at all.

Sigh i don't know what to do, so frustrated...

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Today i lost a friend and family...

Today i spend my day home painting because i no want to do my assignments due in 4 days time, which i have done almost nothing on. My arms hurt a lot and i discovered wat i have on my arm is this.
even though i am a laptop user.

That wasn't the worse of it yet. i heard today from admund dat honey told him i had sex with kisa. DA FUCK? and on top of that i have it with him while i am dating leon and dat this info is told to her by kisa? THE HELL?!! What rubbish is this i can't even comprehend this shit. After that She ask admund if i have sex with him cause we went out to have meals, i am so appalled that even if admund said no have, she still insist he must be lying since i am a slut like i am. What the hell is this information coming from, i already forgave her for telling people i have sex with my boyfriend, so now she spread rumours about me having sex with people i never even touched.

What the hell is this?

Now what? So i would have already have sex with Waigongs and SK too since i sleep with both of them guys at the chalet before? So what about my bestie Naufal since i am always with him? Or wat about Daniel since i went to his house to help him get his school assignment before? Or Ebi since i also went to his house to play dota before...Or maybe her favorite takuya who knows, I might spend some alone time with him??

I love and trusted her, always trying to keep her happy and such. I respected and am polite to all her friends even though some i don't really like because i am racist like that. I didn't even fucking tell anyone rumours about her and why is this happening to me? What does she take me for?

="<

I dunno wat to say now, but i dun think i can look and love her the same way anymore.
Sorry and goodbye is all i can say i guess, even if i have to break of with the gang since i might offend her. I dun wanna care anymore...That was my last straw.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Sequel

Two angels; worlds apart
desperate for each other's heart
wishing in every shooting star
to be together from the start

two angels with just a wing
in love. they helplessly keep falling
seeking oh seeking, ever so seeking
seeking for each other's cling

two angels as fate deem
their dreams too real
and reality like a dream
the curses lifted it seem

two angels, closing in
imperfect, each with only a single wing
holding tight, believing, blissfully flying
their love entwining into a ring