WAHHHHH MY POGI FOLDERRRRRRRRR T^T

This is what happened at work today due to an accident.
My Pogi folder is gone "O_Q"

*dies*

i screwed up?

Last night wasn't the best night for us, things had been piling up since weekend contributing to my moodiness and temper, thus i lost it again and again getting angry at both mac and myself.

Depression had been killing my attention again and again, making my mood even worse each time i notice my errors. yesterday i went work, no graphic tablet so apparently i left it home. No wallet....dat's still ok, since i can skip lunch if i want to. (my colleague lent me moolah though so i can eat for the day). Then no keys, so i got locked outside the house for 2hrs until kach rushed back just to pass me her keys to let me in (i feel so bad about it =<) .

Not only the lack of attention, i even lost my sense of judgement. While we were argueing, i was at the point of saying something like, "FINE! THEN DUN BOTHER, DUN TALK TO ME ANYMORE!! I HATE YOU!!" But i didn't. I stopped myself. I don't want to say anything i will regret. I mean i am already pissed off with him, it should be the limit anymore and i shouldn't push it more or the thing i fear about losing him might happen. ="< But i am dead scared of it happening. It scares me even more knowing dat it will happen if i can't control my emotions properly.

Sure i become hostile when i am upset, but i never want to be alone this way and i mean it literally. (hugs are so hard to get

The argument are ugly though and it really hurts me to feel either dat i am inadequate or that i just don't matter as much to him as i feel he is to me. I feel dat he doesn't pay as much attention to my fears while he feels dat i dun give him enough breathing space. It turns out dat i am scaring myself out even more when i feel dat taking away his breathing space will eventually make him break away from me.

arghhh, so confused, though we already made up after we calmed down without anything resolved. =< i dun want to deal with this fear, unsure-ness and tears alone. But i did appreciate he finally is able to just simply accompany me until i fall asleep.

Bloody distance. if it wasn't for it i wouldn't mind him doing something else other than attending to me. since he can simply still pat me and hug me while he still hand his hand on the keyboard since he can turn around and look at me as and when he wants...not need al tab, no need "eh wait ah", no need "oi oi oi oi oi oi o i MACCC!!" ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........

I want go home.

":( i hope you feel better soon" --- NO!!

I don't even know why i even bothered to wake up for.

ARND 1AM? ORLY?? 1PM MAYBE...

TODAY I WAITED AND ANTICIPATED HOURS FOR NOTHING WHILE WATCHING POM POKO AND ADVENTURE TIME IN RAGE (since i can't relax at all because am pissed off, funny thing, since these are shows dat i am supposed to be enjoying with.)

1 ORZ...nao 5am.

Thanks ah, thanks.