I am sorry mac

I know i makulit and u sick, i should be good girl and let you heal well. I dunno wat to feel who to talk to, i talk with johnel. He makes me feel less lonely but i am still worried about your back. I couldn't help but cry and cry...i dunno why i can't stop. You told me to stop thinking about u if it makes me feel bad, but how can i don't? You are so much so much to me, i feel so bad not being able to do anything to help, yet my worries have become a burden to you it seems.

All this pressure in me pressing close to my heart, it hurts me so much mentally and literally. I know no matter how many times i say i no want you sick it won't help make you better, but i can't help it it all. I don't want to say or sound stupid to you, or maybe i am just stupid. All these worrying is driving me crazy, i dun think i am thinking straight anymore. I picked up an argument randomly on fb just because someone made a misunderstanding, i delete the comments and blocked the person. I don't wanna deal with this shit now and i am very exhausted. i know i am in wrong, but i cannot do anything about it since no one wanna accept my apology.

I feel very bad about myself now. maybe i am just no good.

Why am i so destructive like dat? I dun feel like myself at all. Neptune say is natural dat i am makulit. "ts natural, mahal mo siya" he says..but then but then...i could have composed myself better if i try harder right?

I topped up my phone asap just now and tried calling you. your phone ran out of batt. So i cannot disturb you. I dunno, i have much mixed emotions, i worry about your back pain and i miss you and i really really detest myself for all the nonsense and problems i am causing now. I thought lying down and hugging your shirt to sleep might help, ended up me just started crying whenever that scent of your perfume reaches the tip of my nose.

"Are u really going to be ok? Please take care of yourself problem, drink water to keep self hydrated" and "Remember to eat and take med on time, don't sleep in aircon!" i wanna say dat to you too. But dunno how to put it so dat you wun find me anymore annoying than i am now being like this panicking.

I don't know wat else to do.

I am so dependent on you dat now you are down, i feel like i cannot do anything without you. Everything don't matter to me anymore if i cannot see your smile. Everything seems dead, no matter how many company i have doesn't change the fact that i need you more than anything else. I am sorry i cannot pick myself up alone.

I don't need a comedy or a joke to make me smile, all i want is you to be by my side. For now i hope dat u can forgive my nonsense and get well soon.

I love you so much so much and that will never change.

="<

Ma mac is still sick and sleeping

Wake up no mac, he been sleeping for long long time now, kov says he is still breathing, but i hope he is ok...I miss him so much. Did he wake up to eat his meals, drink water and have medicine? Did he sleep well? Is he feeling better or worse? He still having exams, but then dunno if he can go to school in his condition with his back aching all the time.

I want him so much but cannot bear to wake him up, i no want him be more sick. At most i can do now is ask kov wat is he doing and things like dat. I think kov getting bored of it already and hardly wanna reply me most of the time. >.<

Would it be a bother to ask someone to wake him up? i no know, i no want bother anyone, neither that i wanna bother mac while he resting n recovering from this flu.

Sigh... ="<

I cried.

Sometimes i miss you so much, but i can't tell you.

Today my baby didn't come online since he is still sick. He's been sick for a week and it gets me anxious dat i can do nothing about it. I remember when i was in phil, i forced him to go to bed when he was running a fever. I cannot do it now back here, telling him to, since he won't obey. He never really does. Dat's where the "forcing" comes into place.

It's like 2am+ now and i am praying he won't wake up suddenly to talk to me. i want him to rest. Sure i miss him a lot and i want to talk to him, but that's another matter entirely. I do want him back to his healthy self ya know?

He went to school today though i told him not to. There's a test apparently...so i guess i have nothing to say about dat. Sigh....This fool has been having flu and occurring fever since the last week. I already said these days weather not good, rain and sunny easier to be sick, need drink lots of water to keep hydrated and body cool and swipi well. WHY YOU NO REST WELL!! U SICK YOU NOT SUPPOSE TO PLAY GAME AHHHHH, gaming use brains, using brains when tired will strain brains and get fever higher you know? Fever also kill brain cells, it will fry the brain and make one retarded if fever too long. WILL DIE FROM FEVER YOU KNOW?!! 41.5~42 degree is danger zone already ahhhh, i worry you know??*rawr*

Sigh.

I wish i am with him right now...

="<

I miss you, baby...

...so much.