Rotting kitty...

Still under a $200 debt and probably more soon. i feel extremely scared now...

I lost Leon's wacom pen and i seriously don't know what to do now. A new wacom pen cost like $110 and obviously i have no money for it. Leon's gone to holiday and this kind of shit happens...i don't think he'll be forgiving about this anyway....

Why so many things happen lately?

i feel vey unlucky....

Unlucky to the point that I'm attempting suicide. What else there is left for me anyways? Honestly thinking i'm already numb to the thought that i should live for who i love, what it already seems to me that I'm hurting who i love just by living. How much have i hurt them i don't know....My mind has been overshadowed mainly by the thought of sadness, hatred and anger.

How much...i don't know, but it seems to me that I'm crying everyday...

Am i suffering?

I hardly can recognize it anymore...

Do i need a doctor? i often ask myself.
Am i having depression?

I can see that myself, i knew it all along that i have it.

That often compulsion of grief and the urge to die...it already proves it all, that I have more than just a mild depression, more than just being upset.

I'm scared that i might be enjoying my pain now. Is that possible?

My premonition like 5 yrs ago might come true.

I may not live past 19...