Pogi ko

Other then forcing myself to work for moolah and school for dat BA degree cert, I stand before my laptop each day staring at screen blindly as i lose my senses and my will as human to be a mmo elf each play. playing my life in another world as i slowly begin to give up on reality as such.

As mentioned in my last post i had given up on love or ever believing dat i will fall for a man again.

Least dat i have expected, this turn to took to go back into gaming and my nerdy life would land my heart on yet another gamerboi. i seriously wonder what's from with me, is dat such little will power i have?

Not as before

You guys already know, i am not as innocent, not as girly, not as romantic, not as caring as before. Hurt, sick and tired of always trying to cater to everyone's needs, wants and rubbish, which really took a toll on me. I always wondered what actually happened and eventually puts the blame on myself, as i am someone who believes in creating my OWN future instead of waiting for what the future can give me.

What can i do, to feel safe now? I used to just feel safe by just hugging, but eventually that was no more. I got insecure and somewhat my feelings were blocked, making me stay in a null mode.

FUCKING HATE U LAPPY SENSOR MOUSE....WHY U DISTURB ME TYPE AND PISS ME OFF?!!

My insecurities kept me in fear, made me upset and i feel so much not in control of many things.

I cannot believe or trust anyone or anything. Which is kinda sad. ARGHHHH

OI ENOUGH HORH!! I MEAN IT!! NOW...HOW DO I DISABLE THIS SHIT??

ok...disabled...back to the topic...

Yeah...it is prolly i gave out too much romantic feelings and there is NON left in me. Hohoho~ men to me = NOTHING. Seriously, i could just change and have a girlfriend/pedophile if i want, but mind u i am no lesbian. I would just be with the person once i believe that i have the need to care for them.

So now my love = EXTREME CARE.

Not sure if i am ever gonna develop any romantic feelings ever again, but i am happy with the love that i have now. Even though i might not have that heart pumping excitement when i am with him, at least i feel secure enough that he will try not to hurt me (as much).

Mewwww...>.< *pokes waist*

Which should i be more worried of??
The unbalance distribution of fats or that slight (abnormal) curve of the spine towards the left of my waist... >.<

Actual...i think more or less accurate (from what i remember it being like) illustration.

Leh-BITTTT

Saw little again, it's still in my jungle like garden. See how comfy it looks nested in there. Tell you a secret, it actually lets me touch it now~!! Such a darling little thing, i think it knows i mean no harm. I can carry it with 1 arm and it doesn't struggle. *proud*

Not gonna catch it today since my bf's not coming over, by keeping it, father will grrr at me. So let's wait until he does then, hopefully 2moro. =)

It's gonna rain now though, i wonder if it's gonna be ok outside, or issit gonna hide under some car again.

Another cute photo of the stray leh-bit today~♥:

Cute?? =)



It actually sits on my lap calmly~