A Nostalgic dream...

Kitty tots...

Kitty and Bear Bear's one LAST chance...

I know this totally sounds silly of me, but I'm going to make a promise to myself here. Something i will definitely keep, and if i don't i BEG ALL OF YOU to scold me and stop me or help me fulfill this promise by grabbing my phone.

Ok, I got back now with Bear bear, but it's going to be my last chance now since I'm the one who wanted to get back with him so i guess are the below are my retributions if this relationship is to fail a second and last time.

So ya, here we go...

If this relationship is to fail i will force myself to leave and forget about him no matter what. I will have no one but myself to blame because i accepted a bad-tempered, insensitive and penniless guy on my own accord. I will block his FB for real, delete his telephone number off my phone and together with every of his messages that i have stored in my phone so far. I will finally wash his shirt together with the feelings i have for him, leaving myself with pain so that i can torture myself it it.

I still think me and Bear bear would not last forever though, but as for how long we will last, i dunno, but i will cherish every moment i have of him till that break up happens that i MUST and WILL let go of him.

I hope everyone's clear and ok with the decision here.

*stabs self for torturing my emotions and my own love life*

PS: If that day ever happens, i will then once again call u ah dar when i am ready. (Though i still have the urge and habit to, DAMNED...i hate myself...)I'm sorry if u still feel that i treat you as a life buoy, but i really did and still cherish you. After this, i guess, i won't do it again, i give you my promise. Else you can stab me...

Kitty miss her Bear Bear!!

Well, we quarreled again because i was crying over our past relationship. So he dumped me as he felt that i wasn't true to me.

It totally hurts. Though he's an idiot, that TOTALLY HURT ME!! (and now i can't sleep)

That day when he dumped me. Other than saying (like all the other guys i ever dated) that i was toying with the relationship and his feelings, he said that he didn't want to kiss me because my heart was with another and that made him not want to touch me. ARGHhhhh, HOW MUCH MORE OF A TOUCHE can he be?!!

He's mean, selfish, insensitive and has a HELL OF A JEALOUSY STREAK!! But he's very considerate, gentle and always looking out for me, though he's an idiot in dealing some things with me, because he doesn't really want to open up with me and it totally scares me. I actually miss this idiot though he scolded me mean-ly much. It's not as painful as then and yet...but i still miss him.

Oh shit.

Am i in love with him already? (But i do clearly know i have feelings developed for him already...but but Ah Foong Kor refused to let me contact him...damn it!)

BUT BUT...i am confused.

Well, the day i decided to put down my past, it came back to me. With the familiar warmness and it now freaks me out even more. I PANICKED! But but but...i did yearned to be back in that familiar embrace...but but...

- his problems about our relationship with his family is still not solved. ( AND I TOTALLY HATE THIS PROBLEM!! IT REALLY HINDERS ME AND MAKES ME VERY ANNOYED!! And he doesn't really do much about it~)

- Am scared he would still think i toy with ppl feelings, use ppl's feelings blah blah blah...

- I felt i should be putting my heart with that Bear bear since i am (was) with him.

So ya...even if i lets go of Bear bear, i dun see the point in going back to his embrace at this time to face the same thing that makes me go ARGHHhhh...I really dun see how my parents can accept him, while his family can't do the same. So ya. I am honestly saying that i am a family person as well and i do have concerns about it. It really hurts me to know i am like not accepted due to my looks/BG and not my personality. It just makes me very...annoyed and not appreciated.

(Ok i know i am childish now and all, but ya...)

So...so....what shoulds i do nowwwwwshhhh!!

*smacks wall*