Friday, May 9, 2014

I don't know how to love anymore and i want to stop.

No more courage.

No more sense of hope.

No more me.

Everything i do or not do is viewed malice, i no longer have the any courage to do anything now. I want to vanish, i no longer want to be blamed for harming his happiness or ruining his life, i don't want to be hated anymore.

I'll step away, i'll still be here becaus u want be to stay, but i'll be away...
I'll learn to hide, i'll learn to lie, i'll learn to pretend, if what genuinely me makes up what u hate.

I would love to love you, but that's what u hate. I cant.

It hurts.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Purple hair Mamao

I put some manic panic purple hazehairdye on my finally not so fat fat awesome hair a few days ago to cover my brassy blonde for CNY. Actually not just for CNY, i've been wanting purple hair for quite a long time. it's one of my favorite hair color choice (the other is platinium blonde and peachy pink)

It has been looking awesome on me these days and makes me so relax to see purple everyday when my super long bangs covers my eyes.

The color still looks greats after a wash:

So what's your favorite hair color??

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Left with P566 (after exchanging P2000 to S$54.60)

Back for about a few days into my room from pampanga and have a BIG BIG bebear with me. bigger than half a mamao.

Back to school time and PMS-ing because i miss a Mamac and no want to go back to Lasalle. Then again, half a year till graduation i guess, this sem is gonna be extra long though, so sad. But i will fly back to Pampanga once i am done with the bloody Lasalle Show.

Didn't do dat much going out this holiday since mamac is outta moolah, but with the moolah i have i still managed to go to saloon and blonde myself for the new year and go to Tagaytay on xmas to play with mamac and the Songco cousins. Didnt run around much, but we got beautiful scenery and yummy foods. i guess that's enough. Mamac was especially sweet this holiday while i am staying, dunno what's wrong with my mamac. But i hope nothing's bad is happening to him for this wierd change for the usually harsh n grumpy to this sweet and caring one. Not dat i not happy, i am actually really happy to be doted and enjoyed the affection. but i also see him moody side of him which kinda worries me. I just dote dote him too, hoping wat worries him could at least lessen with my presence. =) I do hope this laby doby mode stays though, even when he's not moody, it ish nice

Didn't get to see poypoy and johnel though, so sad. But i got see the yves though and passed him in green tea pocky. =D he seemed to love it...i not quite a big fan of green noms though.

During the trip to back from Tagaytay to Pampanga, Mamac mentioned that thinking of i ever got pregnant, is nice to have me to stay around if he seriously think about it. I thought it sounded sweet though, i would love to have a child dat looks like a mamac, but then again, i dun like the thought of an alien body growing in me. *shrugs* until i got over that thought, i guess i'll prefer much to stay childless.