Monday, December 24, 2012

1 week here~

It's been a week I've been here and i could say i am doing pretty well. Still cant hold my liquor (feel so bad being the troublesome one) and so much salty foods. I met more and more mac relatives and friends, pera i just feel veh veh shy about it. too many peoples!! LOL

We had a christmas dinner last night and got to play the "guess the word" game on tv. Dat koby keeps making fun of me, as well as the kaloy. Many facepalms of the day, but i guess it is ok. =) Tita Ann (Jackjack's mom) brought a doggy to dinner. So cute~! Her name is Amber. She responds to her name though, mac says is because it is a puppy so it wears pampers. Poor Amber got sick today, so they bringing her to vet. I met so many people to the point i dun remember their names...hmmm lets see wat i can remember. Karl, Katrina, Janica, Nic, Kelvin...ehhh i think dat's it and i probably missed one. Heh. I din get to meet Sheila and her family though, dunno if they gonna visit for the rest of the days i am here.

We've been going out for coffee when we have nothing better to do. The streets are filled with lights and parol decorations, it's a very beautiful sight in the evenings, where the shops are still open with these star shaped, flower shaped lanterns sparkling about.

Other than people at dinner, i met Polly~! She a very friendly funny chubby girl, i like her a lot. She talks a lot, which is good, since i don't if no one does. hehe. We went Karaoke and sing song. Jackjack and Polly so shocked dat i can sing dat 2 filipino song, though i have no idea wat i am singing. I just know the lyrics because i memorized it. =p Mamac calls Polly "Poypoy"

I watched tv there are many Mikey Bustos commercials, One of them said filipinos like to repeat names like John-john and Ley-ley. So i repeated after the commercial, "And Mamac. Oh and Kovkov too!" They all giggled.

I still no have got pressies for my siblings yet since we no go out, no more moolah anymoar. LOL. Only left with 50 bucks because i went to the hair salon with Mac and Yves to get my hair rebonded and colored last thursday. it costs a bomb for us but it's quite worth it i guess. My hair all smooth smooth and easier to managed now. Though it breaks easily. Needa take care of it properly when i get home, cannot be lazy anymoar.

Now i have nothing better to do. at least i got to have some veges to nom today. *cheers with tears in eyes* FINALLY~!! Haha! Kaloy and Katrina ish still here though, but they always outside in living room while me and the boys gets stuck here in room with our coms. I walk out every once and then to sit outside with them and chat a bit. Then comes in again. Not doing very well am i. I guess dat's the end of my post for today because i am lazy and mac is trying to peek at it.



Friday, December 14, 2012

Flying to Mamac again~!

I ish now at airport waiting for the plane. guess wat? I've got the first seat yo, 1A wierd luck?

Have been waiting for this for days. Being nervous and freaking out everyday, i finally arrived at the day i ish gonna see my mamac again. I wonder how he be later, how he'll smell like and how will he dress like. I dress all pretty though. All there is now is wait about 3hrs? Till i see him again. My only love.

Some australian uncle tried to pick me up just now. i must have looked veh pretty. But he old uncle, look eeky and too chatty, kinda irritating. But maybe because he old man, need ppl to chat with all the time. hmm...

Now i looking outside T2 E22 to see if plane arrives soon.

Now to my 21 days holiday~ Or till the end of the world (at least i get to die or wat so ever with him. haha!)

Jya, Adios!!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Passion Number

Why my birthdate and name always betray me =_="...always truthful....dammit. LOL

Then i go poke mamac's one also (below)

Saturday, September 29, 2012

It hurts.

I question myself about the pain stored in my heart, it's always there until my tears flow dry, then it starts building up again. What's actually choking inside? Happiness, Frustrations, Sadness or just a little fear? What if i get it go? Will it break? Will it crack? Will it still stay intact?

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Money issues

This morning i woke, 1st thing about my mom trying to borrow another 500S$ from me. She had already borrowed 900 from me, resulting me not having the ability to change or fix this faulty com. Dat 500 would mean i wun be able to pay for the trip to the Philippines at the end of the year. So i didn't.

I have no job now, no money. People don't understand i saved up to 1k by earning only about 100S$ per month and saving half the amount per month. All they say is i'm being stingy like this. If i am dat stingy, i wouldn't have spared dat 900 out in the 1st place which will probably never be returned to me.

I was PROMISED the money to be returned the next month they borrowed. I have seen nothing yet, no talk about returning, no apology, no nothing cept trying to ask for more, like as if i am laying golden eggs. Even if i do, it's eggs i am laying, not golden poop which i wish i can do dat everyday.

They dunno how much it means to me. Not the money, but wat i spend it on.

I don't go shopping, I am constantly wearing old clothes or hand down clothes. I only shop for a jacket maybe once a year.

I don't eat meals outside. I am so scared to spend on something a minimal as this. Just so dat i can get money fast.

I spent money on a new printer, printings and a graphic tablet. Which are necessities i spent days pondering whether to buy or not.

Just lately, i actually bought myself dinner outside. But i felt so bad about it myself. Why did i spend on something so useless which i can wait for another 3, 4 hours to eat?

I was told dat it be better if i dun work while i am schooling. Is that possible?

Honestly telling all of you, I have more than 3k a few months ago. I WAS ABLE TO HAVE LUNCH EVERY. For once i thought i don't have to go through the hungry only FUCKING DINNER everyday and cursing each time i go to the craft store to get materials or print something for school work.

You "borrow" money without even wondering how the hell i did to save up when i can spend it on new sparkly dresses, a new laptop or go clubbing with people or just fucking head to a cinema to watch a simple movie.

All you do is smile and say, "I will return it soon." while i still survive on 50 bucks every month.

Crazy? No.

I wish you would try it as well, just for a single month. Then tell me how it feels.


Sometimes i wish i am not a girl, at least i don't feel dat cold when he's not around.

Sometimes i feel scared...frightened...alone, I sit in a place where everything stops to a standstill and i wonder if it will stay like this.

Sometimes, my concerns seems to unnecessary, sometimes a little more when it seems it's not my concerns that are..It's just me being the one more than unnecessary.

Sometimes, i look up to this sky with no stars when i wonder why is mine so far.

Sometimes I miss him so much, it hurts. It just isn't the same when i can feel his warmth and breath, and when i can't.

Sometimes it hurts so much, i can't say anything. I feel once i do, it'll just be another more than unnecessary thing or feelings i can't help but have. Which just makes me feel like an unnecessary person in the 1st place.

Sometimes I feel if i am chucked aside like an unnecessary object in the first place i will be forgotten, then i try so hard to make myself work, but sometimes i feel dat i'm just being an annoyance.

Sometimes i stay silent. Maybe that's the best way to keep me at just stop trying to do anything...maybe some time after, he'll just turn to look at me.

Sometimes i wonder if I'm a life, a hobby or a task, I am stupid so i can never figure it out.

Sometimes I was the only beautiful one, sometimes the most beautiful one, while other times not the only one.

Sometimes, whenever and whatevers are not real.

Sometimes he lets me doubt and worry, yet i must not interfere with it. Because sometimes he doesn't know how insecure i am and it seems i am the one dealing with it, since he say so (i believed in it). Sometimes i must deal with it on my own since it's my own problem, though i was told it's not some fairytale time ago.
Sometimes people make fun of the ring i wear, about how simple it look and how cheap it is, but i never took it off. No one knows how precious it is to me, sometimes it hurts when they insult it.

Sometimes i take things a little literally, i hate having a good memory and remembering things that was once happy and now not. Promises and broken ones, flash backs and Déjà vu. Sometimes, i am not allowed to speak about it. Most of them, sometimes, are his voice, which i wish it could be in a happy tone all the time.
Sometimes, i know. Sometimes i don't. Sometimes i just pretend to be blind and deaf. While other times, a little confused.

I wish i am not a girl at all, at least dat girly side of me, i wish it's totally gone.

At least like dat, i might understand him more. At least like dat, i can be less of a nonsense.

Maybe like dat, he'll love me more.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

I remember, i fell in love with mac...

Today i woke up a bit early today and did a bit of my school work. Obviously i still haven't finished it yet, though i didn't get side track.  Got a lot of shit to do and have to take care of kids like the awesome big sis i am. It rendered me really really tired and shits, the DRM ppl are still there to disturb me and trying to make life difficult for me.

Then again, i looked at the calender and noticed October is coming soon. And so will November then December. Where i will meet mac again like how i did on dat last 30th May.

I thought about how i used to sit in front of the computer and chat with mac while we used to say "I wish...i was there with u" a million times before we sign out and head to bed, until one day that we realize that it soon becomes unbearably painful to know we are miles apart away from each other. I tried to take my stand, so afraid to be hurt when both of us will fall together with no safety net. I refuse him, i tried at least, again and again, again and again. Little did i know, each day i watch him like dat; i somehow like The Fool on the tarot cards, feel over the cliff and feel into an endless depth.

But he knows.

"I'll catch you when you fall, don't hold back."

I remember, it was the most scariest decision. I don't know him that well, he lives far, we may not be able to meet each other while all i know is that it is too late i already fell so deep for him and probably under his magic spell, cursed or blessed, i was not sure, but i went with my gut and went for it.

Mac was drunk that night, he cried. He cried because i used every bit of my energy to hold myself back from him even though we both had already expressed the feelings we had for each other. I remember the last thing he shouted was "I'll catch you when you fall, you don't have to worry about anything. Please, don't hold back!" then dozed off. I don't think he was even thinking about how he is going to catch me when i fall or if i get hurt. He was prolly just too drunk and really went with his guts and pushed it.

I gave in.

I don't know what happened. That single moment i let my guard now, i was instantly sucked into that endless abyss of his love.

That's how i landed myself here today, love and loved. No regrets.

Though Mac said i was overbearing just nao and how many girls he met in game... i was a lil saddened, but i guess it's ok.

I Met Boey CheeMing, the author of 'When i was a kid"

...and mac was jelly. (YIHIII....I love my boy.)

I went to a book signing event at MPH city square yesterday, It was my 1st book signing event i went to. I brought yuyu and my brother as well since they both love his book as well. Ian (my senior in NYP) became the driver of the day, though he just dropped us off there, had lunch tgt, met boey and dumped us there and we took the cab home. Despite dat, it was a good event.

After the book signing event, i stayed a bit and chat with Boey about his book and his life as an artist. He told me he was at Lasalle before, but then he left the school for the art school in San Fransisco. He talked about giclee print, book publishing, his life, his mom and his artwork marketing. REALLY AWESOME INFO.

Yeah, i hope one day i be better than him. =)

Monday, September 10, 2012

Another raining day...

I'll have to spend my lil punishment tonight, not really looking forward to it. I deleted my last posts since i just find myself ridiculous and stupid as i am. I just hope the night passes soon and everything will end up alright and better.

Better? You promise?

and that's how it will keep me going.

Everything will end up alright, trust him and i should trust myself as well. Eesh, this girl how to trust, always cannot make proper judgement, have anxiety problems and super super dense personality. Nyeh, nonetheless i should learn to grow with mac, grow more mature and loving to him instead of lashing out at him just because i am comfortable and i want to be comfortable. True enough he is comfy physically and mentally for me, a lot. I shouldn't take it all for granted and test his patience =< Well Mamac did too, but i guess do unto others what others would do unto you.


Everything will be better,
Sunshine after the rain right?

P.S: Oh yey my pants got drenched from the rain again. Feel like sneakily call him after 12am and say it's Tuesday already, but i bet that will only just piss him off more that i find effort to do little schemes through wording loopholes like that than anything else productive after we just quarreled thanks to the words we use, i better don't. =< I miss mac. I really hope everything will be alright soon.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Maybe it's just today, it feels like May 1st again before i excitedly left my room here thinking about kissing you soon...

I miss you.

Sunday, September 2, 2012


I miss you so much, i fear about not having you near. Even if you don't spend time with me, at least be with me when i go to sleep. I need your support and be assured of it, it is not easy falling asleep without you, it is not possible at all.

I miss you baby, hate being upset when you're not here with me.

Saturday, September 1, 2012



As we all know we all live in a competitive world where no one is allowed to be better than you else you would lose out.

Then think about it in another way, no one is good in everything. But when you need help? Seriously, Who would be there to help you?

In this world where others feel you cannot be equal or better than them?

Friday, August 31, 2012


I have no idea since when, the time around me seemed to have stop. Nothing matters to me anymore. The empty coffee cup on my desk, the pain in my arm, the heat in my head and  the mosquitoes by by bed, all seemed to be unreal. Not panicking when i am late, not worrying if i have done my assignments or not, not caring even when the glass bottles fall from my desk to the floor creating another crash again and again.

Nonetheless, I am still breathing.

The world is twirling without me, somewhat i don't feel included anymore. I often roam around the most familiar streets wondering where am i and who i am.

I see him and reach out my hands, yet i couldn't touch him. i can hear his voice, yet couldn't kiss him. I fall down to bed and cry, he pats me but i feel nothing. I sense his scent, yet not his warmth. The illusions clouded me, telling me he is near, yet unknowing far. What is this pain and fear in my heart? Is it even real? You say you are here with me, i truly believe so. But why does it hurt even more?

Back to the streets, the floor seems to be even more unreal. I can't believe i am pulled down by gravity. Am i? Am i not afloat as my mind deemed me to be?

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Another terrible weekend.

I thought i would get another day to rest this weekend but it has to be interrupted by a lot of things. I want to be alone, just with mac here with me. No one else and i don't need anyone else.

Today i got woke up by a phone call by Sunday boi,  he says he have something to pass to me so i have to wake up. Of course i got pissed off and all, why all this waking up over a small issue. then h says he will pass it to my father. OK fine. an hour later i got woke up again by my father telling me to wake up to pass him the printer. FINE then i go back to sleep after that he wakes me up again saying i am here by SMS + father waking me up again.

With the fire up in my head i changed my clothes went down with the heavy box of printer. In dat few sec, there was another crack sound from my joint, i dropped the printer on the floor abruptly and opened the gates while he pass me some biscuits, comic magazine i usually read, my lamp that he fixed. Still i was pretty mad while he still asked where's my printer. I pointed the direction towards the house and flared up "SO WHERE'S MY 700 BUCKS?!" He said because i didn't tell him to get it so he didn't. FUNNY THING i have to live with instant noodles and lack of the luxury to get new clothes or go shopping and shits just because i lack cash. OBVIOUSLY i lack moolah ok? Else i wouldn't be soooo frugal and saving up like hell. then he said he have some cash in his car and he will pass me the rest the next time he comes over. (EESH I NEVER WANT HIM TO EVER COME OVER AGAIN LORHH!!)

then after he took the printer, he asked me where's the scanner. i got even more pissed off then said, "MY ARM IS HURT AND U WANT ME TO GO UP THERE PACK THE THING FOR YOU THEN CARRY IT DOWN FOR YOU?" obviously he doesn't believe me but he doesn't care anyways. then he said, fine he'll take it the next time. Then he went to his car, got 300 bucks gave me and left.

I didn't look back after that and lock the door, i picked up the keys then twisted it to lock the lock THE PAIN THE STRUCK ME LIKE LIGHTNING ALL OVER MY ARM! THE FUCK!!

I went back up to rest after that but it still hurts a lot, so i went down got the icepack, put it over my arm and went back to slp after some ranting around about dat bitch yst. People just keep saying i am wrong by spreading word like dat and it just makes me like dat bitch herself. Dammit la, what kind of friends are these people. And Rousi tells me if i dun friend honey anymore i will drift away from the clique, to her and to Luesong.

That queen bee and her loyalties. If you're my friend you will find me when you need me, you don't fucking need her approval or permission right?


I sleep for a pretty long time and woke up around 5pm+. My arm isn't getting better only more painful and is the only thing i felt when i woke up, the numbness and the pain. And neither is my brain, since i already ran out of ideas on how to do my assignments as well though they are due in 3 days time. It hurts and i seriously no want do anything when i can hardly do anything without hurting. i opened the door it hurts. i cook maggi, so yummy, my arm still i switched arms.

I open door, pick up things with left hand. If feels wierd and aches somehow since it is not used to it at all.

Sigh i don't know what to do, so frustrated...

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Today i lost a friend and family...

Today i spend my day home painting because i no want to do my assignments due in 4 days time, which i have done almost nothing on. My arms hurt a lot and i discovered wat i have on my arm is this.
even though i am a laptop user.

That wasn't the worse of it yet. i heard today from admund dat honey told him i had sex with kisa. DA FUCK? and on top of that i have it with him while i am dating leon and dat this info is told to her by kisa? THE HELL?!! What rubbish is this i can't even comprehend this shit. After that She ask admund if i have sex with him cause we went out to have meals, i am so appalled that even if admund said no have, she still insist he must be lying since i am a slut like i am. What the hell is this information coming from, i already forgave her for telling people i have sex with my boyfriend, so now she spread rumours about me having sex with people i never even touched.

What the hell is this?

Now what? So i would have already have sex with Waigongs and SK too since i sleep with both of them guys at the chalet before? So what about my bestie Naufal since i am always with him? Or wat about Daniel since i went to his house to help him get his school assignment before? Or Ebi since i also went to his house to play dota before...Or maybe her favorite takuya who knows, I might spend some alone time with him??

I love and trusted her, always trying to keep her happy and such. I respected and am polite to all her friends even though some i don't really like because i am racist like that. I didn't even fucking tell anyone rumours about her and why is this happening to me? What does she take me for?


I dunno wat to say now, but i dun think i can look and love her the same way anymore.
Sorry and goodbye is all i can say i guess, even if i have to break of with the gang since i might offend her. I dun wanna care anymore...That was my last straw.

Sunday, August 19, 2012


Two angels; worlds apart
desperate for each other's heart
wishing in every shooting star
to be together from the start

two angels with just a wing
in love. they helplessly keep falling
seeking oh seeking, ever so seeking
seeking for each other's cling

two angels as fate deem
their dreams too real
and reality like a dream
the curses lifted it seem

two angels, closing in
imperfect, each with only a single wing
holding tight, believing, blissfully flying
their love entwining into a ring

Monday, August 13, 2012

On my way home

Little Red Flower

I remember the night in the empty carpark where you feed me the nectar of a little red flower in the empty carpark where we rested after our heavy heavy meal. the nectar tasted so sweet and there were more little red flowers on the bushes than i have seen anywhere. The night was so beautiful and things look so brightly colored everywhere, i wished time would stop for us, in our little sweet moment. I wonder is it really like this that night in the beautiful city of san fernado or is because you are there with me.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

A Guy's Point of View.

I feel better now.
I dunno if should be writing a journal now, since mac will read it when he gets his computer back. But i need an outlet and i have basically no one i can talk to at this moment. Times like these when i am crying, i also wish i could unleash all my drama on someone. At least i got someone to vent to, or maybe get a lil comfort hug virtually or not.

I hate typing this: ="<
I hate it a lot. because normally i dun like to show ppl my weak side, but i find dat's the only stupid way ppl can know dat i am actually and seriously, already, sad. I hate it not because of dat really, more like i hate it because from other people's point of view i am just typing dat for the sake of typing dat, dat i feel nothing and am only trying to get people's attention. Maybe i shouldnt do dat anymore, no let anyone know how i feel anymore. I just make myself feel more, dat i dun matter to anyone and no one will spare concern for me. I talk to my friends, they'll just pick up watever i say, until something happens only a few mins later and tell me to "tc". What is tc anyways? Take care? how will it help? Take care of wat? Wat i need is just u, sincerely showing ur concern n love for me. Well, u probably don't care anyways and am just here because i can make beautiful pictures and is awesome to have friends with an awesome talent.

I keep stepping down each time someone has a problem and stop whatever fuck dat takes too much attention from me when i talk to someone. I always thought when someone is upset, it be good to have someone near because when i am upset dat's what i need most but i could hardly get any. I sit down, i listen to their drama, i let them hit me if they need to. I never really complained, i just want you to smile again. Simple. But when the situation turns around, i find myself crying alone and my tears won't stop. I can't sleep even if i want to, i can't do anything since my brain has already been preoccupied with the stress pushing down on me without anyway to get it out. I have no one to cry to, no alcohol to spam, no warmth around this fucking apartment i can get on hold to. I can't even fucking scream, since people are asleep or have their business around here and i don't wanna disturb anyone.

Will u listen to me? Can i talk? Can i cry?

Why am i crying?

I just wanted someone with me and i am alone.

Why do i need someone with me, i don't need to be alone. There is always friends there for you.


Where...i wonder. It's ok, maybe they will appear when they want to.

Fuck i can't even have a conversation with myself. Seriously though, i don't think anyone cares.

Why am i thinking like dat anyways?

What am i thinking, why am i thinking, i don't know. or maybe i know. i just don't wanna say because i am a pathetic loner like this and i do deserved to be scolded by mac because i so deserve it for disturbing him when he is pissed off and need his alone time and i have nothing better to do than to want to be with him and when i can't i just feel even more suppressed and i feel i cannot be with him because i am annoying like dat and i can do nothing about it. ok maybe i should just shut the fuck up and tell myself i dun need him, maybe i may randomly and magically have that thought eventually and don't feel dat upset? Wat if i can't? should i just keep lying to myself so i can at least feel dat it's my duty to just step away even if i feel the need for him? What do i need? Do i need him or just someone anyone's attention? Everyday, i sit here doing my things while thinking about mac, wat mac is doing, wat we gonna chat today, i wanna show him wat i did. Maybe he'll be proud of me. Is mac upset? Can i hug him and tell him is ok? Mac laptop is spoiled, should i get a new one for him? Is he still sick, is his back ok? Can i do anything about it? Can i call him? Is he sleeping? I shouldn't wake him up, but i miss him. Is he going to tell me to call back in the morning and let him sleep? Should i tell him i am crying? Can he know? Should he know? Maybe he shouldn't mustn't, he might think i am blaming him and saying he's making me stay up and no have mood to eat in a bad way. Am i annoying, do i ask too much of him? am i emotionally straining as he says? Am i not good enough for him? Am i a burden? He says i am not but am becoming one. how? What should i do? should i smack myself in the wall and stop crying and tell myself dat i am a stupid person and why am i so stupid and keep feeling sorry and pathetic for myself.

I am so stupid.


Why did i even let it escalate anyways. How did it escalate.

I have nothing to be upset about right?


Saturday, August 11, 2012

Tarot cards reading of the day~

i explained it to mac, this is wat i said:

tarot cards tell kitty dat i now making myself better to fit you and when i improve i will value us more, then tell me dat i should trust the wise man in my environment though it might feel like a risk...which i dunno who, prolly tito johnel. LOL, then it tell me revaluate wat i have been through and gain wisdom from recent experience and it will lead to new ambitions and inspiring vision of greater potential...wat potiential i dunno. tarot card says about my recent past, me have anxiety n difficulty in sleeping because things kept making me think. near future, it says everything will come tgt successfully in the end. or become wiser/smarter. my emotion roller coaster is taking control and then the foundation of it is the attraction and love i have for u as part of my life, dat i will regret it forever if is say no to u. it says we will keep having to think and understand each other and find ways to work it out for us, like re-evaluting after each tiff off. then advice = just go for it. like use every last bit of energy (if have) n go for it. hey the tarot card says u are irressistable,  LOL. and dat u make me, me and i rely a lot on u, sometimes too much because u like drug. i like though, indulge in this temptation. wahhhh why liddat. last card. the hiderance and block is my pride. it tells me to just let go and give in. it tells me to swallow the disgrace of losing a fight and learn something from it

And mac says it aint lying...=.="

Is there something to look forward to?

These days phil is infested with the flood and problems after the flood. Mac is sick and busy as well, 1st things to do in case the flood comes back, his pain in back and his computers spoiled. The usual one thanks to hardware probs and the eeky one drowned in the flood. I don't wanna make him more upset or wat not, making him like eternally unable to heal since he has been having the pains with or without fever for the 3rd week already. Dat stupid sickness have been testing my patience, taking his time away from me. All he do is sleep these days, else be the phone dying out or just i dunno...

I been calling him a lot, already drained away about 17 bucks just because i need him. ="< and sometimes i can't even call because his phone is dead.

My computer means nothing to me now, since i dunno when he gonna contact me, or when he wanna contact me. Mac tells me not to think about him if it makes me upset, eat if i want to sleep if i want to and not always wait for him. Each time he appears at a random time around 2~3am...If i were to sleep when i am tired, i would have miss him for another day and if i keep doing dat, i doubt dat i can even talk to him for the past week.

These days i look at the computer, mac would contact me normally around 8 or 10...or 12....3am?...or...i don't know, it just keeps getting later and later. Each time i stare at the clock while hours and hours pass by like without a care in the world, it feels like a have nothing to look forward to anymore. He won't come on...even though i miss him so much so much and it doesn't help.

I miss the days i would rush home and quickly finish all my work, so i can talk to him when he comes on without having to be distracted and stress out by things i do. then we would talk about things and make funny actions in front of webcam and sleep together with the webcam on without a care. Now the webcam is on, we're talking but he doesn't look at me much at all, when he goes to bed he leaves the computer outside or off it, thus i am back to sleeping alone again. I never liked sleeping alone, i keep waking up every 2~3hrs and it's very difficult to fall back to sleep each time i am awake...i leave the computer on in case he comes on and look for me, i leave the irritating alert sounds so it rings me to wake up. (not all the time it works waking me up, but mostly it does) Well, doesn't ring other than when the group chat with shukangs n gang ppl suddenly type something to spam. walang msg mo. ="<

Even so everyday i just keep waiting until he comes on at 2, 3am. Meanwhile i draw and talk to Johnel, who still very passionate in teaching me how to speak tagalog. Johnel is teaching me very well, i understand a lot, though his english is not good, as he says. He says i improving alot since i have very good memory. I wish one day i can say to mac excitedly, "Usap nalang tayo tagalog." If that would ever happen.

Sigh...I miss u mac. I miss u so much. Days with me sleeping by com with u there snoring, or days when i am sleeping while u give me kisses, i miss and love so much...please don't take it away.

Monday, August 6, 2012

I am lucky to have the sweetest baby ever.

Though i am still unable to sleep last night with the unsettling feelings about you, but at least i calmed down a lil with u here with me. Knowing dat as long as u still smile, u must be ok and i have nothing else to worry about than to pray for your full recovery.

Please get well soon mac, i will be here for you.

No worries.

I am sorry mac

I know i makulit and u sick, i should be good girl and let you heal well. I dunno wat to feel who to talk to, i talk with johnel. He makes me feel less lonely but i am still worried about your back. I couldn't help but cry and cry...i dunno why i can't stop. You told me to stop thinking about u if it makes me feel bad, but how can i don't? You are so much so much to me, i feel so bad not being able to do anything to help, yet my worries have become a burden to you it seems.

All this pressure in me pressing close to my heart, it hurts me so much mentally and literally. I know no matter how many times i say i no want you sick it won't help make you better, but i can't help it it all. I don't want to say or sound stupid to you, or maybe i am just stupid. All these worrying is driving me crazy, i dun think i am thinking straight anymore. I picked up an argument randomly on fb just because someone made a misunderstanding, i delete the comments and blocked the person. I don't wanna deal with this shit now and i am very exhausted. i know i am in wrong, but i cannot do anything about it since no one wanna accept my apology.

I feel very bad about myself now. maybe i am just no good.

Why am i so destructive like dat? I dun feel like myself at all. Neptune say is natural dat i am makulit. "ts natural, mahal mo siya" he says..but then but then...i could have composed myself better if i try harder right?

I topped up my phone asap just now and tried calling you. your phone ran out of batt. So i cannot disturb you. I dunno, i have much mixed emotions, i worry about your back pain and i miss you and i really really detest myself for all the nonsense and problems i am causing now. I thought lying down and hugging your shirt to sleep might help, ended up me just started crying whenever that scent of your perfume reaches the tip of my nose.

"Are u really going to be ok? Please take care of yourself problem, drink water to keep self hydrated" and "Remember to eat and take med on time, don't sleep in aircon!" i wanna say dat to you too. But dunno how to put it so dat you wun find me anymore annoying than i am now being like this panicking.

I don't know wat else to do.

I am so dependent on you dat now you are down, i feel like i cannot do anything without you. Everything don't matter to me anymore if i cannot see your smile. Everything seems dead, no matter how many company i have doesn't change the fact that i need you more than anything else. I am sorry i cannot pick myself up alone.

I don't need a comedy or a joke to make me smile, all i want is you to be by my side. For now i hope dat u can forgive my nonsense and get well soon.

I love you so much so much and that will never change.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Ma mac is still sick and sleeping

Wake up no mac, he been sleeping for long long time now, kov says he is still breathing, but i hope he is ok...I miss him so much. Did he wake up to eat his meals, drink water and have medicine? Did he sleep well? Is he feeling better or worse? He still having exams, but then dunno if he can go to school in his condition with his back aching all the time.

I want him so much but cannot bear to wake him up, i no want him be more sick. At most i can do now is ask kov wat is he doing and things like dat. I think kov getting bored of it already and hardly wanna reply me most of the time. >.<

Would it be a bother to ask someone to wake him up? i no know, i no want bother anyone, neither that i wanna bother mac while he resting n recovering from this flu.

Sigh... ="<

Saturday, August 4, 2012

I cried.

Sometimes i miss you so much, but i can't tell you.

Today my baby didn't come online since he is still sick. He's been sick for a week and it gets me anxious dat i can do nothing about it. I remember when i was in phil, i forced him to go to bed when he was running a fever. I cannot do it now back here, telling him to, since he won't obey. He never really does. Dat's where the "forcing" comes into place.

It's like 2am+ now and i am praying he won't wake up suddenly to talk to me. i want him to rest. Sure i miss him a lot and i want to talk to him, but that's another matter entirely. I do want him back to his healthy self ya know?

He went to school today though i told him not to. There's a test i guess i have nothing to say about dat. Sigh....This fool has been having flu and occurring fever since the last week. I already said these days weather not good, rain and sunny easier to be sick, need drink lots of water to keep hydrated and body cool and swipi well. WHY YOU NO REST WELL!! U SICK YOU NOT SUPPOSE TO PLAY GAME AHHHHH, gaming use brains, using brains when tired will strain brains and get fever higher you know? Fever also kill brain cells, it will fry the brain and make one retarded if fever too long. WILL DIE FROM FEVER YOU KNOW?!! 41.5~42 degree is danger zone already ahhhh, i worry you know??*rawr*


I wish i am with him right now...


I miss you, baby... much.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


This is what happened at work today due to an accident.
My Pogi folder is gone "O_Q"


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

i screwed up?

Last night wasn't the best night for us, things had been piling up since weekend contributing to my moodiness and temper, thus i lost it again and again getting angry at both mac and myself.

Depression had been killing my attention again and again, making my mood even worse each time i notice my errors. yesterday i went work, no graphic tablet so apparently i left it home. No wallet....dat's still ok, since i can skip lunch if i want to. (my colleague lent me moolah though so i can eat for the day). Then no keys, so i got locked outside the house for 2hrs until kach rushed back just to pass me her keys to let me in (i feel so bad about it =<) .

Not only the lack of attention, i even lost my sense of judgement. While we were argueing, i was at the point of saying something like, "FINE! THEN DUN BOTHER, DUN TALK TO ME ANYMORE!! I HATE YOU!!" But i didn't. I stopped myself. I don't want to say anything i will regret. I mean i am already pissed off with him, it should be the limit anymore and i shouldn't push it more or the thing i fear about losing him might happen. ="< But i am dead scared of it happening. It scares me even more knowing dat it will happen if i can't control my emotions properly.

Sure i become hostile when i am upset, but i never want to be alone this way and i mean it literally. (hugs are so hard to get

The argument are ugly though and it really hurts me to feel either dat i am inadequate or that i just don't matter as much to him as i feel he is to me. I feel dat he doesn't pay as much attention to my fears while he feels dat i dun give him enough breathing space. It turns out dat i am scaring myself out even more when i feel dat taking away his breathing space will eventually make him break away from me.

arghhh, so confused, though we already made up after we calmed down without anything resolved. =< i dun want to deal with this fear, unsure-ness and tears alone. But i did appreciate he finally is able to just simply accompany me until i fall asleep.

Bloody distance. if it wasn't for it i wouldn't mind him doing something else other than attending to me. since he can simply still pat me and hug me while he still hand his hand on the keyboard since he can turn around and look at me as and when he wants...not need al tab, no need "eh wait ah", no need "oi oi oi oi oi oi o i MACCC!!" ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........
I want go home.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

":( i hope you feel better soon" --- NO!!

I don't even know why i even bothered to wake up for.


TODAY I WAITED AND ANTICIPATED HOURS FOR NOTHING WHILE WATCHING POM POKO AND ADVENTURE TIME IN RAGE (since i can't relax at all because am pissed off, funny thing, since these are shows dat i am supposed to be enjoying with.)

1 ORZ...nao 5am.

Thanks ah, thanks.

Friday, July 20, 2012


Today my brains got emptied and all i can think is flying back to you.

Thursday, July 19, 2012


There's your scent drifting in the MRT today.

I hate it when i see your shadows in everywhere i go, yet when i turn around you are nowhere in sight. =<

Monday, July 16, 2012

Sunday, July 15, 2012


My Birthday is gone and done with, LOL YAY, no crying this year. Is not the awesome-est day, but i guess is good enough dat i peacefully get through it with a lot of food. Today i just spent a lot of time resting, basically just sleeping and not running around a lot, other than going out just nao to get my A&W Root beer.

Have been thinking a lot about ma mac these days, basically anticipating something i have longed for so much since i last touched him. The thought of it makes my lips have this shivery sensation. It is so wierd. LOL But i like it. It is a good feeling i think.

Often, i huggles "Siopao" and kiss it, just to get the over-flowing feelings vented on. (Sorry ah mac mac if u get smelly smellings xmas gift because i putok lol)

But yeah, i really miss mac mac a lot. dec please come soon!! XDD

Ma mac is bathing nao i think, these days his tummy not feeling well. I kinda worried too, since he is not eating well either. T^T Why he pick up all the bad habits from me, no eat outside just to save moolah. *sigh sigh* bloody moolahness!! I hope he be fine soon and nothing serious is going on in there. No want him lose weight because he sick. =<


Thursday, July 12, 2012

Wednesday, July 11, 2012


*is thinking dat she is finally going to be getting caught for being late*


Tuesday, July 10, 2012


Ma mac got to know wat it is already ah~<3

Though i feel lil >.<" about the moolah spent, but i hope it be in good use and good hands. Ma mac need not worry about it, one who should be worrying about it is me. =p but i think i can get thru' this month fine. Just no birthday pressie for myself, though i have been thinking about getting some things these days like a lightbox for drawing. Is not anything urgent or things i need, i can always get it next time. =)

I want to make ma mac happy too and be useful to my ma mac. To make ma mac smile, is the most beautiful thing. Its radiance is enough to brighten up my dark gloomy days =)

It wasn't my 1st intention to get something of this price though, it just happens to be something i was looking for. Simple, smooth, neat design with many cards + a coin compartment + with of a special design. Since ma mac wallet is tearing, i wanted to get something naise, durable and somewhat unique in a way. But among these many dat i have seen, only this one seems to be the perfect one. It's not really dat fancy pansey as you have thought, just simple design but it is pretty with a good material and is light.

*took me so long to pick, i picky picky shopper*
I dead stubborn to want to find a naise one dat mac mac will be comfortable with. =)

mac mac use it k?

I bought it for ma mac to use it. =p

Woke up this morning with this:
"i go swipi now i rly rly love you mwah <3"

Geehehehe<3 I ish love u much too<3

Monday, July 9, 2012

Just came home

Wahhhh tired but kinda happy.

I went out around the mall today after work to stroll around. Eventually i got something i am very much satisfied with. Though it is quite costly ,(it broke my budget by more than a 100%), but i do hope it be doing good and can last a long long time. Is something special for a special someone.

You probably know what i am getting you already, but i bet it will still come as a surprise to you when you see it and i hope you'll like it too though. ^o^

Really wanna share with u 1st hand wat it is, since i super excited about it. But then, maybe it be good surprise ahhh. Hehehehe<3You'll see when u see it, you'll see.

Lil' clue:

Monday blues

Here it comes again another Monday where i rather hide in my own room alone, in despair away from the whole world than sitting down here in the office blogging, youtube-ing, facebooking and drawing.

Sitting down here thinking, if i should actually put some effort into doing other things rather than to keep missing him all the time and be upset about it. The thing is, i like thinking about him, the times we shared and thngs i would love to do for him and things we have done together. Though liking it, i still feel upset while thinking about it, since each time these lil thoughts come in, it makes me miss and want him around even more.

Maybe i just got greedy ya know? Those 10 days not enough and i want more.

I want more to touch him and hug him, want more to look into his eyes while he look back, more of those sweet lil moments where our spectacles CLANG into each other when we try to kiss and more of the fun times where we make fun of each other laughing about it together.


We'll meet again, the eventually spend the rest of our lives together huh.

I guess i just have to wait, though i impatient and have eeky mood swings. But i'll wait.In the mean time, hope ma mac no get tired of my funny moodswings and wierdness until the next time we kiss again.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

I miss you.

Bittersweet huh...

I guess, i can only miss your touch this way.

ARGHHHHhhhh december, please come soon~!!

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Angry at self.


I really didn't meant to say anything to have u upset, i really didn't.
Even so dat u say u know...i still feel bad. It's unforgivable for me to do dat, i just can't forgive myself at all.

I'm sorry.
I just...I love you. ="<

It makes me fear showing anything that u don't like when you are always so sweet and careful with me, while i am unknowingly being mean to you. What the hell? You mean so much so much to me, what if one day you just can't take it anymore and explode because i am like dat? (TOT) What should i do?

I feel so lost.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Just missing you more.

3 weeks has gone by without your warmth.

I have made myself eat properly for my meals everyday even if i don't feel like it. I have trained myself not to cry no longer. I have learn to lift my muscles and smile again without the help of your little mojo dat always makes me blush and laugh hysterically.

I have yet to learn how not to be upset.

The longing-ness grows stronger everyday as i miss you every minute, every second i breathe. It's always a struggle for me trying not to sulk and pout all day long. I really really miss you baby and each day without fail a little moar. Though it might sound foolish, thinking and missing you while i work/eat/do anything (i don't have much concentration/concern/care for wat i am doing anymore), but I just love you dat much, it makes me happier knowing I'm loving you so much, so much.

Even though i am upset nao, being miles away from you.
I am glad though, dat the one i love is you.

I rather be a fool like this for you, no want anything else =)

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Little bit Selfishness, Narrow-minded Kitty.


I really really really want him, i want him so much dat i worry. I worry so much, so much about the bad things dat might happen more than the good ones. I think so much of them they become so scary and gains dominance of my emotional stability. It is so biggggggg in its influence i already lost all interests in working (i day dream most of the time or just work brainlessly) and wat i do (walk in mid of street. lose tots, almost get hit by lorry/truck). Day in and day out, i keep thinking all about him and wanting to be near him.

Then again it makes me think.

If i be near him, he be bored of me soon? Get too used to me soon? Getting to take me for granted soon??

But when i am not near him, i fear he be approach by girls when he is alone. Fear he gets tired of the boredom and our distance or get too hungry for love. Fear he feels unloved because how much i am unable give him thanks to the sea dat separates us apart.


HMMMMM wat if i with him all the time? Will he get sick and tired of my "i love u"? Will he get fed up with my mood swings? Will he be disgusted by the eeky thoughts i have from time to time? Will he leave me alone after he have enough of me??

But i no want him near any girls, no want him be feeling he is away from me either. I want him to take care of me while i devote myself to him and only him. I know about the i shouldn't give him 100% of me thingy, BUT I DON'T CARE. I am a girl in the end, i should be allow to express my love as and when and to whom i choose it to be.

NO want people like A.G to be pretty in his eyes, for i know i can never be as eye catching as she is. (I jelly at anything and girls he mentioned) I want to do anything to keep him; cut my bangs, wear lil dresses, put cute makeup and pinch my cheeks to get his every EVERY attention. It kills me at times, when i have to smile and try and convince myself that i am not affected by some things like his past or things people tell me when all i want i simply just to love him and forgo everything else, while expected the same. I know is a selfish thought and things like dat would only make situation worse but wat else can i do?

i boring, not good looking, lack of charisma, lack of self esteem, lack of security, lack of sparkles self. This is dat much i can do but it seems to be never enough for me to suppress my own fears of losing him.

NO WANT, i no want be like this. It feels like such a sin to be harboring these intense feeling of wanting him even if it takes tearing my world apart.

I feel so scheming, like a over obsessive, possessive bad girl ="< and i don't wanna appear like a scary monster in front of him. He is so precious and means so much, SO MUCH to me.

Can i? Do i really deserve him and his love? >.<

I really want him so much so much, sigh, why do i think like dat =_="

I envy so much dat others can be together as they want, though i know the thing i have with my mac is a lot stronger and special than what they have, but still...wat is this uneasy feeling dat lingers in me?


Sunday, June 24, 2012

What happened?!!

Went out this weekend with my friends for dinner and i hear bad info about me among them. 1st about the issue dat i change many boyfriends ever since they know me (is like how dat vic keeps saying dat i change bf like i change clothes, MF...i don't even....ARGH!!!), 2nd is the thing about they think dat i have sex with new person(s) (Well, might as well just label me a slut will ya?!), 3rd the news spreading dat i was suicidal among the peers + ppl dat i not even close with. (ya, i am stupid, i kill myself and failed.)

It hurts. ="<

I don't know wat to say about this but, why do they have to say something about it behind my back. Those are personal issues and such, some i don't even want anyone to touch them anymore. WHY THE HELL are people still talking about it nao?

I know prolly they feel dat they are long term friends, these should be open issues and the lack of respect and boundaries and blahhh. Don't they realize the things they are talking about is very VERY hurtful of my pride and my feelings? I don't know what else to say or how to tell them, i don't wanna explain my situation nor i wanna tell them the whole story since i still wanna keep it private to my own. Neither i wanna start another argument about me being a petty fool and wat not, keeping issues to myself because i "don't treat them as friends?".

I don't wanna do this bullshittery arguement anymore. All i need is to love and be loved back, I don't need them to know my every story and be nosy/judgemental about the things i've done and been through.

I only need dat lil sensitivity and concern.

I am still human, it hurts, it really does.

Missing the sleeping him.

Just woke up outta bed though it is already 1pm+, feeling slightly confused and lonely as i cannot find him to hug to. Still not quite used to it after weeks have passed, i can only feel better if i know he is by my side. He is still sleeping though, so i don't wanna disturb him. He has been lacking of sleep this weekends dat i dun wanna him to be sleepy and get sick eventually. ARGHHH, but i miss him so much. >.<

These days thanks to work and what not, our sleep timing shifted drastically, thus often resulting us in sleeping at different periods of the day.

Mac woke up in the middle of the night suddenly knowing dat it's around time i would reach home from honey's celebration, without an alarm clock. I know, because i called him when i reached back, 2 times, and he never answered. It was a very sweet gesture though, so sweet dat i dunno wat to say, but to love him even more.

I'll be going out for dinner later too, should i call him up and squish him sleep time just for a few hours to chat in ur weekends with him before i go out? Or should i just let him sleep till it's enough for his body to woke up by himself, so he be comfy?

Thanks to me and the mac, Kach has been somewhat forced to sleep in another room with the mattress because both of us don't sleep in the night. we spend our nights chatting and playing, which had been making her sleep difficult because i am too noisy. I feel so bad ah, but i dunno wat else i can do. I really really miss my love so much, i really wanna spend all the time with him aside from working/his school time. (we have no choice about it) Most of time, i think we prolly lack of sleep badly, considering us always chatting till late night. Or something staying awake till morning. I always try to salvage my sleep, sleeping whenever few hours where mac is still in school knowing the time he be ol is around 9~10pm when i reach home around 6.30~7pm.

OKOK.....hmmm....*thinks* considering mac has not been answering me around 3am. So he should be alseep by then. Then then, how is near 2pm. *thinks* 4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12, 1, 2. He has been asleep for more than 10hrs already, should i call him??

*confused confused*



*knock wall*

Monday, June 18, 2012

Slowly getting back into the pace of 'Life'


Back in SG, back to work, back into the shitty reality of what the society has already dictated as life.

Study else you'll be useless, Work else you'll be worthless.
Yeah, that's how shitty living is. But still i can't help thinking about wat the adults nag me about the whole weekend.

I have long gave up the thought about living, there's no point going around being judged by the number of certs and the points you have. There's no confirmation that one will have a high paying job and be looked upon when one is a graduate. And so what if you have all the money and fame there is, is it guaranteed that one will be living happy?

Sigh, at least i have something to look forward to everyday. Just any joke from him, LAME or not will lit my day up as if it had never been grey.

Sometimes i feel simple things in life affects me more than winning the lottery or having the chance to handle a big project. Mac told me dat before dat i overvalue many simple, common things, like how if someone give me food to eat or simply just bring me to have a walk around the super marker, it will make me super SUPER happy!!

I actually quite like this side of me. Appreciate and be appreciated, that's what one of my given name means. Suiting?

I remember, in the past 10 years or so, my birthday wish was always simply to wish that i can be happy when i could wish for toys or awesome grades at school. Now i realize, what i need and can do was actually really simple.

I don't need all the cash in the world to be happy, just a little love will do and a little more everyday! =)

That is what it means to live to me,
and the only thing that keeps me living.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Back in my OWN room!!

Came back home today after 1 and a half months with all my junk from everywhere so i can bring a lighter bag out the next time.

I brought back memories of me and mac together as well. As i unpack things, looking through every item and laughed about how we survived half a year together like this in my room is such an interesting feeling. Every little things we shared together just by this laptop and the things around me. The blanket i wish he's in with me every night instead of the bolster and my dolls i play with on the webcam, it brings back a lot of memories good and bad of us together struggling to love when we are a world apart.

There's now a few more editions into my room nao that tells me that our relationship is not as shallow as just stroking each other's ego on webcam, i hope it will have more though. I want to feel myself surrounded by him ALL THE TIME. LOL (shit i sound like such a stalker)

*sniffs mac's shirt again*

Oh pogi ko, i wish you were here with me nao as i was in your room just a week ago.

I can't believe a week has passed already, it's only been a short while though it felt like a century to me. DAMNED and i still have to wait till dec. How many centuries would dat be?!!

I just ate durian. HOHO. Though i have slight sorethroat for going out with Tenma to nomnom AWSOMES MANGO PUDDING <3 Thanks again Tenma for the good noms, so wanna nom it again. we should all have nom nom outing nya~

Father wasn't in any bad mood with me when he picked me up earlier, so i am still fine. I just came back to my room in case we have to talk anything more which will turn into a conflict. Mother is out nao playing majong out at her friend's place. i would expect her and her lil 'pet talk' later, sigh. Ah well, dunno how to deal with it so i think if my hair dry enough i shall nap until pogi comes home and onlines. (pray no blackout tonight) I really miss him so much and i would LOVE SO MUCH if nothing spoil my weekends with him.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Missing Ma Mac.

Mac is back in school nao, supposingly. I don't know wat happened though, but he hasn't been ol last night and he is uncontactable by phone until nao. (am guessing and hoping he just forget to bring his phone charger + lappy again) It worries me you know, not knowing if he is fine or not. Since he din even hang up my call, is more like no line uncontactable.

Sigh sigh....calm down kitteh. he be fine. He is a grown ass man, he'll take care of himself!!
>.< *mumble mumble*

(an hour interval)

OK back from lunch nao and i saw this:

So yeah, he's fine. *smacks ma mac* i worry + miss u a lot you know "OoQ"
Thank god you finally found a way to contact me.

LOLs of my workspace thoughhhh...WTH have i been doing here man... (continues to chat with ma mac)

Been doing fine with the zhuzhu lately as we got closer together. though we are not always together physically, i really enjoy the time i get to chat with her, care for her + she always belanja me FUUUUUDDDDDSSSS <3

Got to speak with Lute too, hearing her speak stories about her and her sister. It warms me and reminds me how i am with my zhuzhu. heheh.

OK back to work nao. can't procastinate too long! *floats off*

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Love sick.

now at work, but heck care. i still gonna post something to vent a bit.

Still couldn't get over the fact dat i am back nao + am not even trying anything to try convince myself is ok and such. I know i am such a fool for being so love sick. Mac says is be fine, i'll see him again in dec and it's not far away.

I know i know. But still.

I miss him. I miss him so much, i really wanna just be dat impulsive, leave all the shit here and just go to him.

I wonder if anything's wrong with me. Everytime i am away from him i feel like this, like times without him by the cam, times i have to off the computer to go to bed, times when i am alone taking the bus/train home, though i clearly know i will see him again soon.

I'm wearing our ring and his lucky bracelet nao. Just thinking and missing his presence around me. How can just 10 days changed me like dat? I am so love sick, so confused and so so reliant on his warmth nao, i feel so dead without it. Especially nao when he offline and swipis, while i awake and at work. I just can't bring myself to be cheerful to chat with my colleagues and such, yet just rotting here drowning myself in loneliness trying hard not to cry again. (why i keep crying everyday ah, so weak)

I am so greedy. I don't want just his things here with me, i want him! I want him so much, more than anything. (Well accept about the trading my friends thing, they are my family. And well that's another matter to say, since i know well enough they'll grow to like my macky boy.)

Just 10 days, i got so used to ur scent. (even though there's no strong smell from you other than ur perfume, meaning dat u probably smell similar to the scent i have), wearing your clothes, going out to drink/eat whenever i want to, walking in and out of the house around the neighborhood as, when i want without having to fear dat anyone would scold me (yet i am encouraged to do so =D) and when i get hurt/sick there'll always be mac mac there to take care of me. I had no worries. "it's a free country/world" you always say. But then but then...this experience is so new to me and is a good one, i grew to love it asap. Oh mac...I dunno, i just feel i can't live without your love nao. what to do?

Some times (though u told me not to) i wish dat i is get preggy, so dat i can have no more worries and no more have to wait and such just to be with you. I know, bad idea.

So yeah, shall continue to rot and be saddened nao. *sigh*

I miss you baby.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Trip to mahal ko's heartland

long time no blogging. But i guess no harm done having some verbal diarrhea to deal with every now and then. If u may know, i just got back from Pampanga Philippines from visiting my future husband. Hmmmmm prospects.....his family took a liking to me and his friends are so friendly =D He loves me a lot and i had the best 10 days of my life.

Day 01 - 30 May (Wed)
Couldn't sleep the whole night thanks to my nerves and my anxiety about meeting my man. How is he like, how would he feel, how would he smell like? Would he be naise? Would he be as nervous as i am? Will he forget to pick me up?? LOL It's the 1st time dat i actually decide to run away without notice to my parents for a trip, DAMNED i am so rebellious. But ah well, rational decision or not, it was not one dat i will ever regret.

I waited all the way till near daybreak i think dat i might have fell asleep 1hr before i wake up. So yeah, alarm rang, i got up and rushed to prepare myself, bathe and put makeup properly. Get my toothbrush, pack everything and try and calm down. changed clothes here and there (din get to wear wat i have planned but at least it was comfortable)

Kach offered to escort me to the airport, which was SOOOOOO HELPFUL. I would have got lost on my own and accompanied me even to the check-in because i am such a noob. T^T but yeah. So kach was constantly remind me to be careful and such, (she is so scared dat i get kidnapped and never come back ever again, or worse die somewhere in dat 3rd world country she is so afraid of) we had a small breakfast tgt and she bought me a book to read on the plane so i wouldn't get bored. Which was an awesome gesture. Though she was not supportive about my decision at all, she never stopped me knowing this is wat i really want. so a final hug and i am off to the departure hall, where i got scanned everywhere and even stripped my boots for scanning.

I went around strolling and drinking some water, it didn't take long till i have to go to the gate 10 to prepare for boarding the plane.

Chat with some random stranger while hugging tight unto my laptop while i was boarding the plane. careful NOT TO let anyone touch my belongings. Then up the plane i go. Got a right wing window sit w/o the exit (lucky me) because an old pinoy couple wanna stay on the outside seats. it was an exciting ride as well as a LONG BORING AND NERVE WRECKING ONE.

it took so long to take off, but so exciting to see how the plane flew from SG to malaysia then out into the blue blue sea and white fluffy clouds of pretty-ness and soon to be boredom awaits. It was exciting for a while, the motion sickness din seat well with me though, i was constantly uncomfortable (1) thanks to my itchy butt allergy prob (2) the motion sickness (3) my back aching from the seat. I finished the book within half an hour and i decided to sing random songs softly to past time. i tried to sleep, din work. I kept fidgeting none stop as well, since so bored. so i took some time of my boredom and started to think about possibly how scary my boy would be. what if he is not wat i have thought he would be and such. Have to get mentally prepared you know? Just in case. Well, there's still other things like how would first kiss be, how sweet our days would be. And that FINALLY i can be able to feel him and hold him tight when i sleep instead of sleeping with the noisy lappy on and get irritated about the distortion and dc-ness, the fear of the need to wake up without him slowly dispersed in me.

Took me sometime to calm down, then i just sat there and stared blankly until i figure out i can draw and fill in the arrival form. have to fill in 2 because i am stupid and cant write properly. Then i started to draw the nerve wrecking thoughts, which made me even more nervous. After i done drawing, 2 turbulence ASAP. THE HELL....I WAS SO SHOCKED, i tot we were gonna crash. well, at least if i gonna crash, it would be in the Philippines, so it won't be too bad. (already noticing the lands below, actually the plane reached the province already, just waiting to land but can't yet) Well, at least after dat we landed safely with my motion sickness so bad, i feel so great just to touch the ground....but as i go through the customs, i got nervous again....knowing and fearing what awaits me. i quickly went passed it and stood by the conveyer belt. i got my bag, though i keep having the fear dat it be lost or why it take so long and such. actually it din take very long, it's just my nerves dat makes time seems longer.

Got my bag, took a quick walk and went through the last checking. (was so nervous and such and i just wanna get this done and over with to calm down)

A few more steps...

...i am out of the CLARK airport.

I stood stunned at the entrance of the airport. EVERYWHERE and EVERYONE around me are pinoys. And i know with my half assed pinoy speaking i wun survive anywhere here alone. I look to my right, then to front and left, looking for dat pogi boy i fell for in front of the webcam. I was getting kinda worried then i looked right again. I see this familiar face in the crowd (wearing his glasses he hate so much) wearing a dark greyish shirt with a messyly folded in blue collar and his long pants with a smile, waving at me. Though a bit unrecognizable with the glasses and so unreal with him in person, i called out to him asap. (well with dat outfit he looked smaller than i thought he was. i din realize he IS bigger and taller until the next day actually. i am so fail, must be because i too nervous)

"MA MAC!!" i said as he quickly approached me with dat shy-ish smiling face. I plucked my courage and gave him a hug. An immediate rush of warmed and his scent covered me as he softly said my name to reassure the girl he is hugging is the real deal, i soon got overwhelmed by the fact, yes, this IS HIM. The one i fell so deep in love with. =)

"OMG YOU STAND OUT!!" he exclaimed. "You pretty girl, so this is my girl eh, how can u always say u are not pretty??" he said and he gave lil pecks again and again on his fav place, a.k.a my cheeks.

"I finally got to huggles my mac mac" i said nervously while hugging him tight to calm down. i snuggled, closed my eyes and lean towards his body.

"Hey u wait here k, i go get the car" he said with a nervous + pinoy accent. Which was so funny!! Ok actually not really when i realized i am going to be left alone for a while. i panicked. I quickly grabbed onto him and said, "no want, no leave me alone please..."

"but is going to be hot,  plus the road is not smooth..."

"no want"

"you won't wanna walk in your pretty boots like dat."

"no wantttttt, please no leave kitty here. no want be alone, kitty follow."

He looked at me back shyly and said,"oh okai, why you so sweet?" He picked up my luggage and we both took our 1st stroll to the car.

"So? Where u wanna go?? lunch or back to the hotel 1st??" he asked as we moved out of the shade and into the sun. "NOM NOM" i replied and he smiled. (wat's so funny ah...>.<)

After settling down in the car, i refused to let go of him. everything felt so unreal, like the most wonderful dream, so scared i would wake up in my room with nothing but the webcam on and him there on the other side sleeping as usual or something. In the midst of the silence, we both approached for our 1st kiss.

KLANG!! the glasses crashed into one another. We both giggled, took it off and despite dat, plunge into the deep deep kiss we were longing for so long.

we both got a little shy and awkward before driving off, but i couldn't help taking my eyes off him. wondering if this is the same person that i know so well within. Hahaha, i know i am wierd since him and his nerdy glasses did took me by surprise - he wore back his glasses again since he says he can't drive without it (I tot he said he no like wear glasses?)

he couldn't stop his sweet tongue, i felt so flattered really when he said i am beautiful and dat wat ever i claimed is just some problem with my self esteem blah blah. Every word, every expression from him made me felt so beautiful. The way he blushed and smile, it makes me felt so heavenly.

"Ma macccc" i addressed to him again.

"Yes S-?" he addressed to my given name.

"Can i do something unglam?"

"Huh? Sure you can?"

"You sure?"

"Ah yeah."

"I take off the jeans ah, so hot, no wantt"

"No wanntttt" he repeated after me with a playful voice as he tries to mimick me.

"What?? cannot?"

"Hahaha, sureeeeee."

I took off my boots and pull off my jeans from under my dress, wahhh it was heaven. XDD finally my butt dun have to feel so hot anymore. He keep teasing me saying vehicles passing by may have seen my panties like dat blah blah. i was careful k? so dat is impossiboruuuu!! so yeah, i put the boots back on then we arrived at the mall.

I wasn't dat hungry since thanks to the bumpy ride, i got a lil motion sickness. Killing half my appetite away though i hardly ate anything for breakfast. So we went to get some daily necessities 1st like facial soap and such then to pizza hut for a meal. Dat pogi keep saying ppl staring at me since i stand out and very pretty ahhh....i shyyy....>.<

When arrive at pizza hut we decide on my usual hawaiian pizza (dun like anything else) and some finger food here and there. Mac has his free flow ice lemon tea while i had a shake. I am so pampereddddd<3 It taste awesome too. Mac wanted me to sit in front of him so he can watch me eat. i wanna sit beside mac mac so i can hug him. so i moved and he went "awwhhhh" in disappointment. But then, sticking close to him seemed to make him more shy. so cute~!! then we nom nomed (which we didn't finish), take away the left overs and decide to head back to the hotel. After eating, i folded a tissue rose for mac though, he still keeps it nao and is stained with my perfume the day before i left phil. I do hope the smell last till the next time i see him though, no want him to feel lonely. =)

holding hands we went up to our room. as the door opened after some attempts of trying to get the key to work, i quickly took off my boots and commented dat the room smell of roses. mac didn't say anything to my comment, but as i turned around THE WHOLE ROOM is filled with red rose petals with a bouquet on the bed. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG, my heart was filled to brim with his sweetness dat instant.

dat charming prince of mine walked over to the bed and took the bouquet, handling it to me. i was like stunned. couldn't find anything to say and blurted out something stupid like "the cleaners will have a hard time clearing this after we leave". mac says is ok, is their job to clean up anyways as he flipped the rose petals off the bed so we can have a rest.

I got a bit bashful, i placed the flowers gently on the bench and crawled into the bed to snuggle him. OMG this mac mac is so sweetsssss!!! He felt so comfortable and warm to huggles. so yeah, we took a rest snuggling like dat having our gentle hugs, lil sweet talks and kisses + him chewing/pinching my siopao nomnom-ing. Itai yo, oniichan LOL

As the sky darkens, we wonder if we should just gonna stay in or not. But mac mac mentioned his relative + one of the besties Johnel helped with the preparation for the flowers and so we decide to go out, meet him for a drink or something.

We both bathed and dressed up ourselves to go out again. i tried to dress mac mac up and OH i finally passed him the chain i made for him during valentines day. Macmac din like to get to dressy so we had to remove my scarf. But at least he did wore my chain XDDD which makes me so happy he is willing to wear it out.

1st we headed to V8, a quiet bar and had our drinks 1st while we chat and waited for tito Johnel. 1st time i gonna have wierd drinks n food. 1st one is a green tea liquor and 2nd drink i had is a pink color guava flavoured cocktail while macmac has his beer, we too shared this finger food of fried squids with a wierd sour sauce, which surprisingly didn't taste bad. I drank some of his red hose beer too, it was tasty though~I got a lil oozy and coiled around my mac mac soon  for support after i finished the drinks. it's my 1st time i ever felt so happy and free. then we moved on to another pub to meet tito johnel.

We arrived at the pub, it was noisy (but not the messy/dark kind since it is kinda on an open area) and is very difficult to talk. mac introduced me to more relatives, Tantan and Dugs who are so naise to me.

"You speak tagalog?" dugs asked i remember.
"konti." i replied and the gang laughed as mac mac giggles and corrected me "konti lang"

Johnel ordered this chocolate cocktail thing, which taste so awesome. like those liquor chocolates, cept dat it is super sweet and is liquidddddd!! <3

1st day with the guys, i was a bit quiet i dunno what to say. macmac keep cueing me to ask things and say dat dugs is gay. so bad these boys like to tease each other and make me do it too. LOL i kinda enjoyed the moment till i can't drink anymore, since am starting to get sleepy. i din get to eat dat local fried squid thingy dish on the plate the 1st day since i just feel too swipi to swallow.

Macmac realized dat i am falling asleep and told the guys we have to leave nao and helped me out into the car. my body felt so heavy dat i couldn't walk anymore, macmac literally have to dragged me off and into the car where he gently put the seat down so dat i can lie down comfortably.

"tell me if you are gonna throw up k?"

"uu" i replied and fell into a short nap. it didn't take long till mac have to wake me up since we reached, mac says he is kinda drunk too but he will try to stay awake. he got some red bull and so ya, he helped me up the elevator and i realized dat i am going to puke. mac panicked, but tell me dat we gonna reach the room soon. But sadly to say, my tummy got mean to me and i puked asap just after we stepped out of the elevator and crashed on my carpet floor. (poor cleaner who cleaned it the next morning)

I felt so embarrassed thinking dat i have caused a lot of trouble, but mac mac was there with me reassure it is fine, is normal dat i just crashed like dat, he had so much more of dat moments too and says dat i will be fine, he'll clean me up before tucking me to bed. I felt so much better and the guilt seems to have flown away.

we got the door opened and macmac helped me into the CR to help clean me up. we took off my clothes which was stained with the puke and heated up the molten lava (a.k.a hot water) for me so i can be comfortable. i felt so much better and energized after i puked as the alcohol effect starts to fade away. i bathed and washed my hair all clean and changed into a clean pair of clothes. there was no working hair dryer in the room so i decide the hand my head over the bed and rest. macmac asked if i am ok, i said yes, but i am very tired, i dun think i can entertain him much anymore and apologizes probably another million times. he said it is ok again and again, reassuring me that everything will be fine and he is ok. mac mac says he will help flipped me over after my hair dries and i fell asleep soon after. So did he. leaving me sleeping like dat till morning.

Day 02 - 31 May (Thurs)
Woke up dangling at the side of the bed and rolled myself back up. thought for a second about where the hell i am as i turned around to see my love sleeping soundly behind me. I got myself back on the bed properly and roll roll roll into his arms and kissed his lips after calling his name. Mac mac woke up and huggles me tight and continued to close his eyes.

"Macmac no put me back on the bed. u fell asleep??"

"umm yeah, sorry."

"nah is ok, u said u drunk too. so u must be very swipi too. Sorry about last night. kitty is fail."

"what are u talking about," he exclaimed in a cheerful manner. "It's ok!! I'm here and I'm supposed to take care of u!"

"thank you."

"awww u so cuteeee.....come here." he said and huggles me tight, doing many tickly kisses on my cheeks which makes me giggle and made me feel so blissful.

we cleared up the mess and dirty clothes, bathed and packed to prepare to go home. His shirt so comfy ah, i keep stealing. But dat ma mac have no more extra clothes, so i have to give them back to him. Ah wells, then we went to book out and go back to the car. hot hot weather, but yeah, beautiful town and air-conditioned car with interestingly messy architecture. (like dat vandalized trees, so funny) XDD we topped up the gas 1st then we flew home. the drive was smooth, macmac is driving surprisingly slow, though he always told me he like to drives fast and rush.

When we reached back, both Kov and Motmot ish at home, but there is a blackout. The whole house is freakin dark though thank good still quite cooling. Kov went out asap after getting some food since he can't take the heat any longer. While motmot just tries to sleep in the room.

Me? I just keep walking in and out everywhere to explore the room while mac mac finds place to sit down and rest while watching me walking in and out everywhere. I founds a noisy small mut dat doesn't seem to like me at all, a big doggy dat likes ppl a lot, 2 cats dat are always hissing at me, stray cats and dogs dat run away when they see me. A motmot dat keeps sleeping though he ALWAYS HAVE his computer on. Macmac's bed in the middle of the room with his soft soft pillows and his scent rubbed all over it, A stuffy dark room where motmot is sleeping in, a relative came over often to check on the boys and eat meals - Kuya Fer. I nom nomed too, my 1st meal there. macmac says ate cooked yummy food just for me, it be rude not to eat anything at all though i not hungry.

I got bored after dat with all the heat coming on and sat down to draw. Mac mac came beside me and the both of us ended up drawing and sharing our drawings and stuff from his glass treasure box. macmac handed me a origami heart with his lil notes on it where he made in Apr. It was so sweets <3 I finally got wat he intended to give me.

The late afternoon was getting really hot though, i wanna have shower, so mac mac handed me towel so i can shower. but then but then but thennnnnn, the CR also so stuffy, after i bathed in cold water and dressed myself, i started to get sticky again asap. SO HOT!! Even motmot got bored, he sms-ed mac, who is only sitting like 3m away from him dat he had never seen the mac so happy before. LOL <3

Ok then i go outside in the garage and lookies at the mut since i am bored. macmac came out too, finding the dog actually letting me touch it while the Ate is there. Ok just this lil cute side the mut has. then i washed hands and decided dat i wanna go outside.

So after washing my puke stained boots, me and mac mac took a walk around the neighbourhood. THERE IS GOATS!! AND CHICKENNNNN!! so cute the kambingggg yum yum

So cute right?

The roads are not roads, more like just rocks around the house. road area is only near the entrance to cer-hil subdivision.

Thank god it is not as freakishly hot here as in SG, still quite cooling. especially dat evening is approaching. Mac mac and me had a good stroll with him nigga-fied by the sun. dunno why he so scared to be nigga-fied, he still pogi anyways. (And it makes me feel, it be ok if i get nigga-fied too, since i am sure i wun get as dark as he is. MUAHAHAHHAHAHAA)

when we walk back to the house. YAY electricity came back!! THE HOUSE IS BRIGHT AND SHINY WITH THE LIGHTS ON NAOOOO!!

*flies back into le bedroom where there is aircon, ah sweet heavens* Then i on my lappy and update my internets, let ppl know i am safe and sound. Then bathed again.

Then we had dinner together and went back into the comfort of the aircon. Spend the whole night snuggling and ignoring the phone outside. and then and then......sleeping early the night. LOL

Day 03 - 1 June (Fri)
Woke up early in morning like 8.30am thinking dat i have work. sat up and saw mac mac beside me and lay back down, wrapping my arms around him to make sure he's the real deal.


Macmac woke up with the huggles and hugs me back squishing everywhere he likes and biting my cheeks again. ARAY KO!! Snuggling much warm inside the blanket until the tummy rumbles and we need to nom nom soon. So we went out the room finally and clean ourselves brush teeth and stuff. The 4 of us nom nomed together for breakfast and then the kov is going to go out again soon. Motmot then went back to room, play his pandora saga with the BGM, so noisy. Me and the mac mac went back to the room as well, both of us starting to cough like hell. As so mentioning going out to get medication but we never did.

Then around noon, the Bloody Regla came. Madre de dios!!


Mac mac seemed to be glad about dat though, no baby. =.=" Why you so meannnn...

so yeah then we decide to rot in the room and chit chat/check fb on my lappy/snuggle soft white long pillow while the mac mac nap.

Kov keeps walking in and out after he bathe to wear naise naise clothes to go out for a while, while i keep disturbing mac about being the heartless daddy he is for being happy about the miscarriage. Kov put so much deodorant, the whole room choked with dat smell as he sprayed. then he bid us laters n left. motmot's playing his game, so i crept over and watch. Mot seems slightly awkward and din reply to me much. I got bored soon quickly and crept into the bed and napped with macmac.

Kov got back in the late afternoons, sat by the computer to play his game on his bed. I saw and went back to sleep again until someone else came. Who's dat?? Mac did mentioned someone's coming over today early morning, but i no wear specs i cannot see + i dunno who the hell he is.

I try to fall back to sleep again, but wierdly i can't since i am wide awake already to i decide to disturb the mac mac.

*points points*

"heh?? who's dat?!!" mac said in his fake confusion.

"i dunno, who's dat??"

"i dunno, i thought u know!" he joked again and smirk. "Nahhh, dat's Joshua."

I lookies at the ma mac and gave him the =.=" look. mac sat up and speak in tagalog to introduced me, i said Hello. ^^

Joshua was a bit awkward shy, but he replied hi back.

Me, Joshua and Kov sat there watching tv for a while. kov and mac so amazed dat i like watching NC cartoons. but they so awesomeeeeee..........!! I like dat kitteh!!

And then we (me and mac) hungry, so we go out nom nom dinner n bathe. Mac mac then said, "so what time is it nao, shall we go out get cough medicine?" Not even knowing wat time the mall closes, joshua and motmot came along too. There was a dead jam at the U-turn to the SM mall, so it took us sometime to reach there. When we reached the pharmacy is closed already so we decide to go starbucks instead, since i never had starbucks before.

Mac mac ordered a drink with the big cup and we shared. Wahhh the creamy icy coffee ice cream thingy is shoooooo yummy!! SARAP TALAGA!! then we slurp slurp feed mouth to mouth, lovey dovey while the joshua and mots there staring at us.

We went back to the car, bored. Mot suggested us to go to PP, Party Place. A used to be very popular pub. but now a bit died down. we reached there, finish our coffee since cannot bring outside drinks in and the ma mac litters ahhh. But since he say ppl will clean it away later, so i din got too bothered by it.

They ordered a Pinacolada for me while they got themselves beer!

motmot and joshua starting to smoke. At least dat sweet sweet motmot is considerate enough to know dat i dun smoke and tries to fan the smoke away from my direction, fail-ly. =p Macmac tries to make us chat, but much language barrier and the place too loud i can hardly hear joshua's soft voice. Macmac keep "accidently" touching my boobie and drinking the cocktail from my lips. Is yummy pineapple tropical cocktail i must say. I drank a bit of beer too since i bored and no more cocktail and we are supposed to wait for johnel to come meet us. But then but then but thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn........

I forget the warning about drinking while having regla.

My eyes blacked out. it was such a scary experience. I tell ma mac dat i am fainting soon and i am not feeling very well. ma mac told me to hold on, since he think i prolly just drunk and such. but soon he realize i getting serious because my body got cold because of Anemia and i fainted. it was only for a sec or so though, but i regained conscious with my eyes still seeing black.

i started to panic. so did mac, mot and joshua. As i couldn't walk or see at all, dat mac mac have no choice but to lift and try to carry me out to the car to bring me home 1st since i started to have bad cramps at the tummy as well.

Ma mac put me in the car, carrying, dragging and using all he can to bring me into the car. He lower the seat down and drove me home asap. i think he drove very fast since we got home really fast. i must have scared him much =(

He then dropped me outside on the road as he tries to open the gate to let us in. Ate came out to help open the door, mac got me up again to help me into the couch. (no one else dare touch me) Mac mac dropped me with my long hair on the road arghhh....>.<

Mac mac carry me up again into the house. i went to the CR n threw up and dropped on the couch where macmac go get the blanket to keep me warm while i slowly slip the uncomfy skirt n my boots off. i lie down there hurting while mac got me medication and boil some "molten lava" to help get warm towel to keep my tummy warm so the cramps go away. he stayed with me for a while before going out to pick up the motmot and joshua, while i have my lil nap. It was so sweet you know having someone actually taking care of me like dat, i feel so so pampered like a princess.

I woke up when the crowd got back. Johnel, Tantan, Dugs and Mot asked how am i feeling when i awake. i said i felt better. =) They care much about kitty ahhhh.....i feel so honored and thankful. I couldn't help but feel so protected by these guys. It is a good feeling, like they do care about me as a being, not just being macmac's girl. Mac mac got me more warm towel to help heat my tummy again and my cold head. Only when i have got better dat i decide dat i should bathe and wear something comfortable. So i got into the room to get some stuffs, while mac go get clothes for me. Kov joked if i am drunk, i said no, just anemic. Joshua fell asleep on mot's bed. (after when i went out the johnel say joshua c jackjack, so cute)

I went to bathe then went back to the room again to rest. Plan din work too well, kov had NC channel on, so i just sat there and watch while chatting with the kov until i felt better and awake. i left the room after dat and cleared the mess i made in the living room with my clothes and boots and went to sat beside the macmac on the same chair. apparently they got some hard liquor and most of them are high already.

Johnel went to mix dat hard liquor with nutella. it smells disgusting ok? But them and their devil's potluck liquor party.....urks. LOL (They tried to make me drink though, thank god i am not feeling very well)

Mac mac got so high, he got kinda huggish and nua-ing all over me. We spend the night chatting and making fun of dugs' gayness and dat mac mac look more like a girl. mac mac was so sexy, kissing me nonstop in front of his gang.

The partying lasted till late night, mac mac made me go huggles the tito johnel and we bid them good bye while mot goes back to room to rest.

Mac mac was still kinda high, but he still dragged himself to clear up the place.

We kept going in and out of the bedroom after dat to bathe and such. I was not feeling good in the cold so we decided to sleep on the couch outside. Mac mac and me had a lil fun there playing with lil kisses, it made my bloody night so much comfy and better. (I learned not to squeeze mac mac too hard, else he ARAY KOOOOOO!!!) Then an hour later we went back to the room to sleep because mac mac seems to be suffering without the aircon. Hehe.

So yeah, ok. we went in room. Get my fav long white pillow, huggles the mac mac and fall straight to sleep after a sweet goodnight kiss. I think it's already near 4am then.

Actually not really is like near 5 after we done playing outside.

Day 04 - 2 June (Sat)
It was a relatively tiring day from all the drinking and craziness the night before + my regla. Everyone was asleep when i opened my eyes other than kov, who went out to eat breakfast 1st. I woke up tiredly around noon and dragged myself off the bed to clean myself. (you know to change the pad and wash away my blood as my skin starts to itch again.

Crawled back to the bed arghing because the air was stuffy in the room...

...there's another blackout.

"Ma macccc" i said n push push dat sleeping mac.


"No electiricty...."

>.< *mac mac rub eyes* "Is it the 2nd of June?"


"There was a notice, it's gonna be like dat till 5"

HEH 5pm?? ARGHHH So hot though, though it's just late morning. I just couldn't stay well in the stuffy room like he can. So i woke him up and have breakfast, while asking ma mac if we can go out. movie or something. Mac said sure. =)

So me and mac got up, soon followed by Jack jack and motmot. We nom nomed tgt on the dining table and take turns to bathe to go out. The CR so stuffy again without the air ventilation, so i took a quick bathe and escaped out of the highly humid area. So yeah, then we all got into car. Jackjack went to a cute household convenience store and got us some chewing gums as he gets some sticks. So long since i had one of those chewing gums. But well, too bad though, chewing gum not enough to blow bubble. Hehe, me and the ma mac actually tried to...i saw him, sticking his tongue out with the gum as wells. LOL

We went to SM mall, argh, bad jam much since by the time we reach the mall the chewing gum has already lost its flavor.

We went to get our cough med 1st. We got the red one though, which was more suited for me since it is helping me deal with the cold air coughing thingy. But for macmac it din do much good, since i think he should be needing the black one since wat he caught from me was a flu virus. We then went exploring around the mall all the way up to the cinema. We bought tix to the movie MIB 3. The tix are just like theme park entrance cards man. Ma mac says, can just go in there and watch the movie again and again without coming out. no need book seats, can change as we desire.

After dat us and motmot+jackjack split up for a bit then went around the mall for a small walk before meeting together again on the other end. Ma mac says he forget to bring phone and Yves is coming later. I am so excited and nervous to meet yves. Yves is 1st of friends i know ma mac has.

Jackjack says he needs to go home soon, so we decide to enter the movie theatre earlier than expected. so the movie was playing halfway. we just got to a place far back and away from mot n jackjack, staying there for the 1st session of the movie just kissing and snuggling like a couple we are. Hehe, din do anything too naughty, we are in public, i have public decency one k?

Then after dat we had a small cr break, then into the 2nd session we go, then the jackjack is leaving and have to go. We bit lil jack jack goodbye and then went back to watch the 2nd time, sitting with the motmot tgt. This time we no lovey dovey (awwwhhh), but then the movie was good. i enjoyed, though the plot of the movie is a lil rushed, it finished too soon.

We got a lil hungry after the movie. macmac asked if we should have another starbucks again, i said i no want, i wanna try the crepe-ish food dat was in the movie. macmac says dat's a street food and it is available around here in the mall's food court!! <3 So after another CR break, we went to the food court and got ourselves some of the crepe. LOOK SO YUMMY NYAN!! SO MUCH MEAT<3 Macmac says it be spicy, but when i of chili, but i din feel anything tingly spicyness, while macmac says he be needing water. Macmac then promised me we shall have more streetfood as dinner tonight.

We checked watch, it be around 4~5pm, the electricity should be back nao, so we headed back. Jackjack left some of his stuff on the car, so we took it back as well.

The house was lit when we reached back, me and mac collapsed back onto the bed after having the med to take a nap, snuggling with each other's company while waiting for the night to fall. It din take too long though that I was awaken by some chatting and another presence in the room. I looked over to the other side of the bed and spotted kov and another tall thin figure. With the blood not in my bed, i crawled up and lumped over the kov's bed's "fence" and look over. Kov and the other guy spotted me with dat blur face, the guy smiled. Kov quickly intro-ed me as the "Yuki Piaos".

"Hello Yves" I said and Yves pinched my cheek after greeting me hi.

"Awwwhhhh whyyy??" I groaned looking at him with my half asleep face and he laughed while kov watches in amusement.

I slumped back onto the bed and woke ma mac up, telling ma mac i am pinched in cheek again. ma mac woke up and did the same thing, saying because i am squishy like dat. I rub rubs and sat up again. This time they all stared at the swipi kitty acting all blur and stuff. I got up to get ready to go out again, so did mac and the other boys. I passed Yves his gift (he chose the black handphone strap), he said his thanks, i felt so happy he seems to like wat i got for him.

We all went out together to the back of Robinson mall where the street food are. Ma mac says they are fishballs, hmmm i nomnomed. It taste yummy with the sauce. But then the taste is not fishball taste to me though and the taste is not as strong as i tot it would be. Probably because i am used to having food with strong taste, the fishball ma mac fed me felt a bit flour-ish to me. It was so fun, nom nom-ing and joking around with the kov and yves. Mot was a bit quiet, so i din dare to disturb him as much. I realize when i find him like dat, my tone changes when i talk to him like wanna care for him as an adult. Motherly instinct??

After nom noming we went to 7-11. On the way there Yves gave us disinfectant liquid to clean our hands, ma mac and kov says he gay. Haha, but then but then, dat yves hair so long, so dun to play with ah~ Mac ask who look like girl more nao, him or yves. i said yves! XD So we reached 7-11 (the 7-11 inner is lik those in taiwan show with tables and seat so u can eat in the store itself. So much better then the SG and Msia one right??) very quickly, short dist only. I got to drink some local bottled juice and a packet chincharron. XDD WAHHHH THE LEGENDARY CHINCHARRON NI MANG JUANNNNNN XDDD!!!

Yummy juice though, i had lychee flavoured, it has nata de coco inside. <3 yum yum. Mac and me shared the bottle though, hmmm indirect kiss indirect kisssss HAhahaaHAhaha.

Ma mac mentioned he like me like this, dat i am happy to share food/drinks and such. Even if is not ma mac i no minds. I felt so happy XDD, normally people would be just eekified by this or get jelly and wat not.

After this, we got bored and went to a coffee cafe and had coffee XDD Me and the ma mac shared a big cuo again. The cookies and cream coffee ice blended thingy, it was so yummy and oh, we had cake too! We spend our time there just chatting around + gossip gossip about macmac and yves. =D I felt happy though i dun understand like 30% of the conversation where they were talking in magtagalog. Hindi naiintindihan po! heheh. We had fun, i felt very included with them, no one was left out. maybe a bit for mot. since mot english no good, is as well as me not knowing much tagalog. LOL So we're even??

The night ended fast and we all have to go back soon. We drove Yves off and dropped him around a shophouse area, i assume there's where he lives. we bid him good bye and dat we'll meet again =), and thus is time to go home bathe and sleep.

Which. we didn't, except mac. We all gathered around my com to watch an M21 movie. Eventually macmac fell asleep. mot went back to his ps. wierd though, leaving me n the kov watching porno scenes tgt like as if it's nothing. i flipped the macmac like a baby, so he can sleep well and got blanket for him. Kov watched and asked, where did i learn how to do this to men, saying dat i should have much experience with them.

I said no. Actually is really the 1st time time i do this to an adult. Macmac sleeping seems so cute like a baby to me, i can't help but to tuck him in bed properly and pat/stroke him to sleep. =)

After this day, i don't really can label what happened on the other days of the week. Since it got blurred in my memory of the sequences as i got more and more used to living with them. (I seriously feel like i'm just at my home, u don't remember things u usually do around in your own house do ya?) I'll still try and see wat i can puzzle in for dat few days...(tries to arrange the events here and there)

Day 5 - 3 June (Sun)

Don't really remember what happened in the morning. Only remember the part i actually dare to boil the water on my own to make kopi. =D No need ma mac/Ate's help. See!! Seriously the whole place has become my own house as well. LOL

We were all rotting in the bed room when tito says he'll meet us all out for dinner. *gasp gasp*

OH MY GOSHHHHH I'm gonna meet THE BOSS. "OoO" I got super nervous, though mac mentioned it early afternoon. OMG wat to do wat to do....Mac says dress stand out *smacks him* da hell. So i pick a decent-ish clothes, the pattern-ish rock shirt with my jeans, enough. mac picked a gray pattern-ish one to match mine and his jeans. After we all bathed, we're good to go!

We met up tito at a bbq restaurant. Kuya Fer drove us all there. We met tito, i greeted him with the filipino way by putting his hand at my forehead for blessing. (ma mac teach me) tito was amused, he just laughed and say,"you want my blessings too eh?" I smiled. tito was very welcoming, introduced me to food, urge me to eat more, treat me as part of his family. i passed tito gifts i brought for him, he seems to like it a lot, i am so happy XDD There were a lot of laughter and chats on the dinner table. everything was yummy, though the sauces do taste a lil foreign to me. kambing soup is kambing soup, same here. Then OMG the s$0.90 freeflow rice!! OMGGGGGGG so cheap the food here. even ice lemon tea (not watery kind) is also free flowwwwww<3 I ate lots lots to my hearts content!

After we are done. we all rested a bit and tito says mac should bring me around more and gave me some new printed notes (he also told me not to give it to dat mac LOL), which i still kept it till nao. So pretty ah~ XDD Tito says he will see us again, paid the bills and sends us off. ma mac says tito likes me a lot. =)

We went home after dat with kuya fer dricing again and bathed. Kov let me watch my cartoons while waiting for the mac to be done bathing. XDD He seemed to be still quite amused dat i wouldn't step away from the TV. Mac was done soon enough, came in and watch me, as if i'm a kid. Hehe. We were all ready for bed but the night was still young, sadly to say we are ALL VERY ENERGENTIC YOUNG ADULTSSssss.....and SOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo....ahem ahemmmmm.....


...we set up our computers to play dota. XDDD

I bet you were thinking about something wrong eh. Me with those 3 pogi boys under the same roof, in the same room. Ok and yves was good looking as well. So the whole time dat day i felt protected with these princes as my guards, it does make me feel like a princess.

Ok back to dota. I keep disconnecting as i play, A.K.A LE LAGGER. So can't do much, kov just have to set the game char at random, so i got a close ranged char. Which was a big big disadvantage to me, since i am not used to it + i am lagging much. So yeah, keep dying and eventually got kicked out of the game as i dc-ed altogether. The modem probably cannot handle us 4 playing it. saddening though.

Then mac decide to pass me the L4d2 file while he playing so we can play later, while i watch my running man waiting for the game to end.

It din take long though, since dat pro star motmot raged through the AIs and there, end of game. We won~!! XDD Mot says i noob ah, but mac says i am like just decent player. Not average, not fail, just bit better. I felt much encouragement. Hehe, i will try to play better next time. (will training self when free time)

Then me and ma mac play our L4D2 after watching my running man with me. he made fun about me liking KPOP shits, no horh, only running man show i like. no kpop shits music please~!! L4d2 was good, I HAVE CHAINSAWWWWWwwww, so fun. ma mac just watched in amusement, he says i look interesting when i am playing and talking to myself.

Oh really?

Day 6 - 4 June (Mon)
Woke up around noon a bit with a foul mood, knowing dat we have only 5 days left, half of my vacation had already passed by in an instant, I was upset slightly thinking about our vacation together ending. I quickly got out of bed, washed my face and cool down. Went back into back to kiss mac mac and my fears away.

I went back into the room and cuddled with the mac, who still refuses to get off the bed though is like 1pm already. We continued to stay in bed for the rest of the day, only going out when we need the CR or water.

We stayed in back till late afternoon, just being there to cuddle, watch tv and chit chat around. U know, just being around the house, then afternoon went to nap again. It's a lazy lazy monday it seems.

We didn't do much in the house. just lazying is all we do until evening where i sat around the TV watching Garfield. Garfield like noming lagsana. I looked at the cartoon while mac and kov was beside me. i commented, "how does lagsana taste like? it seems to be yummy." the bros stared at me in awed.

"You never had lagsana before?!!" Kov was shocked and he kinda exclaimed. while mac mac ask me if i wanna try. i replied like "can? can?? u have it here? can have??"

Mac said, "sure. let's go later. you want?"

"I want!" I replied and mac go urge me to bathe asap so we can go out for dinner. We both got really dressy though LOL just for dat lagsana.

We travelled to angeles city to a big mall, which reminds me of orchard road. on the way, there was a highway, which when i looked up, i can see the wholeeeee sky. it was a very pretty sight u know? though there were no stars, but the wideness of it is enough to make me relax and wind down before our dinner. Mac says there's a lake nearby, but is too dark to bring me day. maybe someday we can have stroll there in the day. Is beautiful sight he says. =)

As we enter the mall, after the guard checked on us. he said we wearing party clothes, hahaha and dat we good looking. cool eh? We went to an italian restaurant for our meal. mac mac keep saying i stand out so much and so pretty everyone even the waiter is staring at me. i got so shy, because to me. wat's standing out in front of my eyes is just dat pogi with the sparkling eyes looking back at me. Not anyone else.

Mac mac ordered us lagsana, 1 mango smoothie for me (which taste so awesome, sweet mango fruity taste. So unlike how SG would serve watery taste drinks.), 1 free flow ice lemon tea for him again and a tiramisu for dessert. (which mac no really like, i love though). We got a complimentary mushroom soup and bread stick though. The restaurant ppl are so naise, the waiter is much helpful in getting our food.

 i sat in front of mac mac, who regretting me sitting opposite. (See, i told u it be better if i sit beside u) So i moved while noming the tiramisu. everything taste so awesome, i must be having dat silly shiawase face all the time. mac mac took pic of me with my 1st Lagsana. Hehe

After the nom noms, we are so filled up to the brim, we got to the car and rest 1st before heading to our next stop.

Baby ko and i drove us way to SOGO and spend one of our most lovely nights of our lives. It was the 1st time anyone could satisfy me so much so much i exploded. *shy shy* I felt even more loved nao.

Later dat night we went out again to drink. Macmac ordered Tanduay Ice for me. I got the citrus flavor, it taste so good. near to shandy, but stronger. He got his beer. Well to cover up our scent and eat something naise after a long tiring night. We went home with kov teasing me again saying dat he know 'dat' smell, since he is still awake and it amuses him to see me actually high from alcohol and patting his head. He was like omg what's wrong with you?

I dunno what he mean by 'dat' smell prolly just the alcohol.

Tito came by with tito paul. which mac told me to go out greet them, i did with my high and happy self. tito pat my head and tito paul shook hands with me. mac says dat gesture is like, can't see dat i am actually very unsociable back at home since i am quite interactive with them.

After tito left i went to take my shower 1st and headed for the bed. there was no change of clothes since Ate is already asleep. so i just wore my yukata to sleep while macmac dug out a yellow shirt from his room and wore the pants i wore the night before. we both swipi like dat, with my scent all over the yukata he love so much, huggles nomnom and love love each other while swipi-ing all the way sweetly till morning.

Day 7 - 5 June (Tues)
Another day which i couldn't remember wat the hell we are doing again in the morning and proceeded to just get on with the day. There was another black out and sadly to say with a super HOT HOT weather + another unexpected blackout. i keep urging the mac to get us outta the house though mac says it be back soon since it has no notice about it.

So we decided we should go out and get me a pair of slippers or something. Just to go out for a lil walk instead of boring-ing ourselves out at home. We walked around the robinson mall, but never bought anything. just some window shopping around since we cannot find anything fitting. Saw some really beautiful pendant though, but never bought any. i so scared to make mac mac spend money for me. So we just decided to head to the cinema to buy tix for Dark shadows which i so wanna watch since the trailer just came out. mac mac only watched it because of johney depp while i just mainly like tim burton's work.

Then the 2 hungry hungry us went to get nom nom, we went to nom Jollibee. A local fastfood restaurant which seems to be quite popular with the locals.

I nomnom chicken with rice. wat's with the rice....almost everything has to go with rice here. LOL, but this sauce yummy though (can be found in mcd too)

After noms, we went to the supermarket to get mac mac's tomato ketchup, since there's only dat eeky banana ketchup in the house. once i stepped into the supermarket, hell let loose in me. FOOD!!

FOOD IS EVERYWHERE. WAHHHHH totally love the smell of it. Ma mac almost bought anything i pointed to. LOL mac says if he is fuckin rick james, he'll just buy the wholeeee supermarket down for me. Now girls, dat's sweet. even sweeter than buying down a whole branded clothes store ok??<3 is nom nom ehhhhhhh dun deny u dun like the nom noms. =p

We then went to watch our movie after buying some chips and yougurts + dat tomato ketchup. Many sexy scenes, we keep teasing each other and joke about it.

After the movie we went home and have dinner at home. YAY with finally we have tomato ketchup. LOL We spend the night playing L4d and watching running man with mac mac trying to transfer me borderlands (which failed)

So instead of doing anything else we played with each other instead. It caught on fire so much, we have to leave the scene before people notices. We went outside, drove the car a road out and back into the garage. (dat road was dark n scary, so i refuse to be there. Mac have to drive us back.)

After our lil fun, we got back to the house, bathed and go back to the room. Noticing motmot is asleep already, mac muted his com. (Santo Maria!! YES!!) And we swipi well comfy-ly without any noise. <3

Day 8 - 5 June (Wed)
Woke up today realizing mac mac is swipi-ing back facing me againnnnn!! Rawr!! LOL I swipi back facing too sometimes. But then the prob is, i was lying on his arms last night. dunno why his arms, magically disappeared and he is facing away from me completely. =.="

It was a pretty draggy day, but at least we got out of bed to have breakfast and late lunch. Other times I was just either idling on the bed or outside with the computer on or watching tv/running man since mac mac says he's going out to fixed the scratch paint on the car we from from fail parking into the house on monday night. So i'm all left alone for the afternoon rambling through stuff and just waiting for mac mac to come home. motmot was alone anyways, since kov is ded asleep on the bed, so i just sat beside mot and watch him play.

mot keeps having this awkward silence with me, only nodding to watever i say. So i just got bored and went outside again. maybe mot is just not used to me, or maybe i'm just being wierd, he freaked out. *shrugs*

Mac mac came back early evening. Saying we going out for dinner with tito again at 6pm told us all to go bathe. So we both went into the room to wake the 2 boys up, it feels so interesting, treating those 2 as my lil bros and send them to bathe. I have never loved my family like this before, which is so heartwarming when i see the mot/kov fidgit fidgit and no want wake up even if i try to shake them. Mac told me not to go wake mot up, he might hit me. But ah wells, he didn't. we left the room for a while and went back, the both are still asleep, just dat mot is back in his own bed. (Maybe he thought we just need the bed, instead of us needing him to be awake.

Mac and me chat on the bed while kov went out to bathe 1st. Macmac got so irritated somewhat and talked about wanting me to del tenchi boy off my ym. the more i ask why the more mac got angry, i mean...i just wanna know why and why am i the one who's gonna use the rude words to him. I'm not defending Tenchi boy, but i also see no point of me doing anything mean in particular. Hmmm So yeah, mac got mad, i got scared and tried to calm him down while i am freaked out bad by him myself. T^T I only complied when mac decide to want to type the evil things himself while i just needed to go with the enter. But still, i din feel too good about it. I don't like mean mean to anyone at all, is no good reputation + it will make me feel guilty.

I didn't feel very awesome after dat but still i smile and assured mac i am fine. So mac went to bathe while mot and kov talked with me asking wat happened and such. We left the house and talked outside though, explaining about the situation to kov, who suggested i should just drop tenchi. He said he even dropped his family/cousin for his girl so if i love mac i should be able to do it. I again explained to him is not about dropping tenchi boy or not, more like mac wanted me to do something to tenchi then drop it. Kov and mot then talked about the way i behave on Pandora Saga, they say mac would have dumped me long ago.=< i hits the kov, he doesn't seem to mind it and talks more about my flirty bad deeds.

When mac done bathe i told mac dat kov says i am not good enough for him. Mac says kov is talking rubbish and kiss me, says i am the best girl and he'll never dump me for anyone else. reassured, i cheered up and went to bathe.

I was the last one to bathe so i quickly bathed myself and dress up normal like only tees, pants and my jacket around my waist and i ready to go. (mac slightly disappointed dat i no wear pretty, but at least i put makeup and tie hair pretty)

it was suppose to be kov driving the car, but i think he lazy so mac mac have to go take his glasses and drive the car. We went to this buffet restaurant where with meet tito and tita ces, tito sai and tito paul. where tito intro as "Your tita ces, tito paul and tito sai." So sweet =D I greeted them again with the hand on head gesture.

We nom nomed a lot of yummy food while tito sai keep talking about mac and things i should learn and go around in philipines. Tito Paul no good in english so he no speak much, but much laughter on dinner table as well as food. dat kov ate the california rolls as main meals ah, LOL he must love those sushis a lot. Motmot keeps eating fried food haha and we all have another free flow drink of Ice Lemon Tea. Tito Sai then suddenly ask out of no where, "So Mac and S-, when are you 2 getting married?" I almost spat out wat i was eating!! i was so surprised he just suddenly asked. Hahaha, honestly to say, i wanted to say NOW NOW, can marry NAO!! LOL but then i just kept quiet, was so bashful. Then the mac whisper in my ears, "Don't worry, i'll marry you. But i am poor." I no minds he poor though, just as long as he not poor in heart and our love will be enough for me.

After the  main meal, mac mac made me a SUPERRRR sweet Halo-Halo. <3 It was so sweet dat i cannot taste anything from the ice lemon tea anymore. Hahaha, but it was good, though mac din like it as much as i do.

We had a full full meal, Tito paul took a family picture of us all. Tito, Tita Ces, Kov, Mot, Mac and me. =D I wish i have the pic though. Mac promised he'll get it for me. (prays to get it soons)

We had a full full meal and thus, is time forrrrrr COFFEE BREAK. we ran across (jaywalk) the highway and back to our cars, so fun. Then we help to put the groceries tito n tita bought into our car. Then we go to coffee cafe and have KOPI~<3

I had a hot Latte though, while the adults all have hot coffee, the boys have cold ones and oh OH CAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. LOL We continued to chat more and Tito gave me a new note of 1000 peso and told me not to give ma mac again. Hehe, is pretty blue note. I keep, though mac did try and ask for it. IS MINEEEE!! Tito giveeeee

When we were leaving, tito says i am always welcome here and welcome to the family. I felt so heart warming, so this is how it is like to be a part of a family huh. =)

After the long day, is time for us to go back to house. sleeping time, we all bathed and go to sleep after some chatting and kissing

Day 9 - 5 June (Thurs)
Ma mac and the boys woke up earlier once to have breakfast already, i didn't since i not fully awake yet and lay back to sleep. They all ate and went back to sleep.

"Morning." I said with a cutsey voice. macmac wakes up and says 'morning' too. I tell ma mac my tummy hurts from being hungry. Ma mac still tired though so we just continued to stay in bed till around 11.30am? Dat i cannot take it anymore so i went out and eat my brunch. I ate and watched com as i do, after i done eating, kov came out and ate his lunch. He asked if i ate, i said i did just ate what was left of breakfast for lunch.

So Kov says ok and joked saying, "See, i am can be naise." I giggled, agreeing. Yeah, he is naise and have been naise to me. He just talks sarcasm sometimes, which can be scary. But all in all, i really enjoy the company of kov times we were to be left alone. He didn't feel as scary as i thought he would be after all.

I went back into the room and rested, while waiting for ma mac to wake up, since he unwilling to wake up when i shake him. we just continue to be lovey dovey on bed and have nap. After we woke, i ask mac if wanna go swimming. he says ok, but then we drag time to bathe + prepare + traffic jam + carsick when we went out, so we didn't make it in time, since like less than an hour to play in the water park. We just decide to gave up and go to take a walk in the nearby playground instead.

We played on the swing and mac was amazed by how i can control the swing to increase the speed. We have our lil chats and saying how much i no want to go back and how much he want me to stay here. I don't want to go too, i am happy here, happy here with ma mac~ I can't believe time passed so fast and soon our vacation is gonna end. It was quite a depressing moment for us. i couldn't smile at ease and i can't even ask him if i can just stay here and not go...sigh.

"You're going to be back again, don't worry. You're always welcome here." he says, "I'm going to marry you someday remember?" I almost cried.

After dat we went home after adding up petrol + traffic jam. It gave me another carsickness though, so i dropped on sofa to rest. We were both hungry and too tired to go out + THERE ARE FROGS OUTSIDE and dat mac is scared. LOL So we decided to just order mcdo delivery. I drew on ma mac hands while he was calling the mcdo. But then but then online and calling services were so inefficient, in the end (an hour later or so after some nap) mac got frustrated/hungry and decide to go out and buy it himself while i rest my carsick-ness away and bathed.

I never knew the mcdo here would be so awesome. They still have the float here but with many MANY MANYYYYYYY different flavours. Mac had the 4 seasons one while i have monster coke float. SO YUMMYYY I din know vanilla icecream + chocolate syrup + coke would taste so good together. *shiawase face* My mcdo meal of chicken have rice n sauce again, i just pour all the sauce on the rice. The mac says i doing nom nom sins since it is suppose to go with the chicken. Butbut, it taste better with rice, chicken should go with ketchuppp KETCHUPPPPPPPPPPP!! Hehe

We decide to watch movie after the meal, so we hooked up our laptop to the TV. Macmac's Avengers dvd din work, so~~~~we watch movie from my lappy. We watched 2. Koizora and Scott Pilgrim vs The World. Mac mac keeps having a lot to say about Koizora, saying girls would dig for the guy's trick and stuff. So wierd he is analyzing the movie like dat when he's one big casanova himself. keh keh. Scott Pilgrim was pretty good though, a lot of interesting scenes. mac keep feeling me with the cheese nacho says is need to make me more fatter. >.< NO WANTS FATSSSSSsssss

After we done with the movies, we cleared up the mess and snuggled in each other's arms. His embrace felt so warm, so comforting. I really don't want to leave him at all. I'll let him chew my cheeks and make me grow pimples, i'll let him hug and squish me whenever he wants, even when i am eating. Ah oh god, i wish time would stop then and we'll just stay like this together.

There's only 1 day left for us 2moro so we didn't wanna let the night end so soon, though i am like freakin tired out already. We both drove out to 7-11, got some energy drinks (red bull red bull.) to slap us awake and went to SOGO again. Have some alone time, some snuggles and a lot of love. It was a saddening night as none of us wanna let go of each other. But more we sink and soak in each others' embrace, we grew inseparable.

Day 10 - 5 June (Fri)

Woke up late today again thanks to sleeping late last night. We looked at the time, is already afternoon, so after dragging our time around, we realized we have no more time to go swimming. Mac said he'll bring me there next time though, so we shall see =)

So instead of going swimming we went to the mall instead. Macmac told me to wear super super pretty out today since is gonna be my last outing for the vacation. =<

We went to robinson mall to buy luggage (we bought it 1st and brought it back into the car 1st), Juliana's Hopia Baboy + gift for her, a pendant (we din buy this in the end) and something else. Mac knew dat i wanted it somewhat. We went to a few accessories shop to find an affordable yet naise looking ones. 1st shop we went to, it was too expensive. Mac kinda exclaimed and made a blunder. it was funny, though he was pretty embarrassed, saying he had made a fool of himself. Dat silly mac, can just say thank you naisely and walk away. There's nothing to be embarrassed about actually.

Then we took a stroll for looking at the pendants. we wanted to buy a matching one. but then, we couldn't find one dat suits us both and i didn't want him to just buy something only i would like. After dat, we went to another accessory shop and found some affordable ones. We stopped and look, i picked out 3 designs from all of them, while the final decision rested in mac. Surprisingly, mac picked out the simple rounded one among the 2 other more decorated designs.

Mac slotted (more like stuffed) the ring into my finger. Nothing romantic, he did it pretty quickly and such. It made me felt slightly disappointed though, since it looks as if he doesn't want it or something though he denies having that thought. Somehow the ring, though simple, it look like a wedding ring on my left hand where mac has left it. We had each other's nicknames carved on our rings and when it is time for the payment, mac wrote on the recipient receipt, under recipient: "Mr & Mrs Songco" I was so (="OoO"=) when he wrote it down. Mac gave me the reciept after the shop lady gave it back to him. it will be one of my fav treasures. XD

See Mac, you're actually quite fair, stop saying u nigga or i will deliberately call u dat everyday. =p

After dat we went to buy juliana's gift. The lady says i am sexy ah, i don't know why until we went home and mac says dat i have an unusually arced back which makes it sexy. Each store ppls/relatives we saw, they keep telling the mac dat he should teach me speak proper tagalog. HAhahahaa, mac says i should learn too, since i'll be staying here with him forever.

After we reach back, it was a bit late already. so the both if us just bathed and sat together as i repack and keep the things that were lying all around the house. Mac was saddened, he didn't want to let me go at all. I asked mac mac if i could have his pillow, mac mac though i was joking and said no. =< Mac asked if he can have 1 piece of my clothing, i said ok but he didn't want to have it. (We both kinda regretted this, though it be fine if we could keep each other's presence near ourselves. sigh...MAC MAC I STILL WANT IT NAOOoooo why u no want give meeee T^T)

I slept pretty early the night before after repacking my stuff into the new luggage. I was extremely sleepy and my body can't hold on any longer so mac suggested i should sleep a bit and he'll wake me up later so we can have some time together. Which he didn't and let me sleep. he soon came to join me, we slept the night hugging each other tight and firmly.

Day 11 - 5 June (Sat)
We woke up when my alarm rang in the morning.

"No want you go please, please stay." was one of the 1st thing he said in the morning. It was heart wrenching. I don't want to go too...ah stupid fate, stupid sea, why do you have to keep us apart? I wish i was born in this beautiful land though, not miles apart away from him. We snuggled by the bed for a while, refusing to get out. I painfully pulled myself out 1st and take a bathe, went back into the room to wake mac up and it's time to go.

The one that didn't want me to go the most was the one driving and sending me off, ironic isn't it?There was a slight jam in the morning, which mac refers to "even the traffic don't want you to leave". I wish dat is true though, since i would be happy if i am allowed to be here to stay. I wore mac's bracelet home, mac says he wants me to keep his lucky charm. It is one he told me he almost died in car accident, but he survived with only one bead chipped off, hoping it will be one keeping me company when he's not with me. There were a lot of mixed feelings as i hold his hand tight and lean on him as he drives me to the airport. I was so scared, so afraid of leaving his side i felt so insecure and panicky.

Like the same way i came to him, he parked the car and we walked back to the airport where we 1st met. With a final kiss we bid farewell, i was so upset i can hardly remember how it felt like. DAMMIT. I walked to check-in on my own in the airport since mac cannot enter, but as soon as i finished with the check in, mac disappeared and that's the last time i've seen him with my own eyes HD mode.

I traveled back on my own after paying airport tax blah blah, back to Singapore. I felt so alone it scares me.

The plane ride was smooth, i actually sat on the same seat as i came. Watching people in pairs all around as i go back, noticing how much i miss mac, my heart hurts much. Our 10 days just ended like this, in a flash, right after i got used to the life there and enjoyed the company with mac and his family. I can't help but feel that my life is so unfair.

I spend the next few days hugging tight to the things mac gave me and the clothes (mainly the shirt he gave me before we left the house, i stained it with his perfume around the collar. *sniff sniff*) we wore, crying my pain out. I even found a lil note folded into a heart shape in my luggage where mac snuck in while i was asleep, it was a sweet touch, it did made me less lonely.

I thought about days mac be mean to me and days i be mean to mac,
days i be drunk and mac carry me, days mac be drunk and went loko,
days i get injured, like dat ingrown toe nail, mac nursed me and days i pat mac to sleep like a baby,
days mac pamper me help me clean myself/even the earwax thingy and days i sat on his back to massage him.

So many memories we have in our special special 10 days. There's more to add though but i doubt i can finish them all + noticing dat this blog main page is actually full of this post already. This must be the longest and most memorable post i made. Haha. Mac mac my charming pogi ko, I love u more than anything and I'll do so much so much to be with you. Don't tell me not to do anything more because i won't listen, I know u said you'll take care of it that i should just lay back and go with the flow. But then but then, i want you A LOT, that's all i know.

Mac promised we will meet again in dec and i am praying for that day to come soon, till then is time to save up moolah again and hope we have a better time on our next trip. Baby ko, i miss you.