Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Not as before

You guys already know, i am not as innocent, not as girly, not as romantic, not as caring as before. Hurt, sick and tired of always trying to cater to everyone's needs, wants and rubbish, which really took a toll on me. I always wondered what actually happened and eventually puts the blame on myself, as i am someone who believes in creating my OWN future instead of waiting for what the future can give me.

What can i do, to feel safe now? I used to just feel safe by just hugging, but eventually that was no more. I got insecure and somewhat my feelings were blocked, making me stay in a null mode.

FUCKING HATE U LAPPY SENSOR MOUSE....WHY U DISTURB ME TYPE AND PISS ME OFF?!!

My insecurities kept me in fear, made me upset and i feel so much not in control of many things.

I cannot believe or trust anyone or anything. Which is kinda sad. ARGHHHH

OI ENOUGH HORH!! I MEAN IT!! NOW...HOW DO I DISABLE THIS SHIT??

ok...disabled...back to the topic...

Yeah...it is prolly i gave out too much romantic feelings and there is NON left in me. Hohoho~ men to me = NOTHING. Seriously, i could just change and have a girlfriend/pedophile if i want, but mind u i am no lesbian. I would just be with the person once i believe that i have the need to care for them.

So now my love = EXTREME CARE.

Not sure if i am ever gonna develop any romantic feelings ever again, but i am happy with the love that i have now. Even though i might not have that heart pumping excitement when i am with him, at least i feel secure enough that he will try not to hurt me (as much).