Tuesday, July 19, 2011
What can i do, to feel safe now? I used to just feel safe by just hugging, but eventually that was no more. I got insecure and somewhat my feelings were blocked, making me stay in a null mode.
FUCKING HATE U LAPPY SENSOR MOUSE....WHY U DISTURB ME TYPE AND PISS ME OFF?!!
My insecurities kept me in fear, made me upset and i feel so much not in control of many things.
I cannot believe or trust anyone or anything. Which is kinda sad. ARGHHHH
OI ENOUGH HORH!! I MEAN IT!! NOW...HOW DO I DISABLE THIS SHIT??
ok...disabled...back to the topic...
Yeah...it is prolly i gave out too much romantic feelings and there is NON left in me. Hohoho~ men to me = NOTHING. Seriously, i could just change and have a girlfriend/pedophile if i want, but mind u i am no lesbian. I would just be with the person once i believe that i have the need to care for them.
So now my love = EXTREME CARE.
Not sure if i am ever gonna develop any romantic feelings ever again, but i am happy with the love that i have now. Even though i might not have that heart pumping excitement when i am with him, at least i feel secure enough that he will try not to hurt me (as much).
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Saw little again, it's still in my jungle like garden. See how comfy it looks nested in there. Tell you a secret, it actually lets me touch it now~!! Such a darling little thing, i think it knows i mean no harm. I can carry it with 1 arm and it doesn't struggle. *proud*
Not gonna catch it today since my bf's not coming over, by keeping it, father will grrr at me. So let's wait until he does then, hopefully 2moro. =)
It's gonna rain now though, i wonder if it's gonna be ok outside, or issit gonna hide under some car again.
Another cute photo of the stray leh-bit today~♥:
It actually sits on my lap calmly~
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Took a picture of it~ Cute huh~!!♥
The bunny was here for lunch though...i think it's on it's way to become one with the wilderness. it's becoming a strayyyyy...totally should catch it and give it to my bf so that it can be domestic again. Cute fat bunneh...till the next time i see you again, will be missing you~!!
Got to carry it again though...see how fat it ish compared to me \(≧w≦)/
I guess he was really tired out due to his work again. Oh wells...
Well, i heard the bunny came back again though. My sister, having eeky bunny hunting skills, tried to catch it, failed badly when the bunny scratched her and ran away. Ah wells, I'll try to catch it the next time i see it. =) *gives out evil bunny hunting aura* Oh cutsey cutsey bunnehhhhh...
Finished on Uccello Fatale's main team (Emyth Zandra) today will continue to finish Chiyo tomorrow. XDD
Chromaggia - Psyche - Raven
Currently watching anime: Lovely Complex
Kinda entertaining though, since it's a love comedy. Comedies are awesome, with that touch of sweetness. Recommending you guys to watch it too~!!
Monday, May 16, 2011
A bunny found at my house yard when i reached home today.
My bf took noticed of it first and was like "there's a rabbit at ur house."
Caught it and carried it into the house until father told me to throw it out back into the yard again and leave it alone. It was a cute, fat (not to say heavy) bunny though. ♥
Chased after it around the yard for these piccies until it escaped to the neighbor's place when Roi (my pet dog) took noticed of it.
My bf say if i catch it again, give it to him to keep. Just now he say no want keep cause he thinks bunny might be smelly. But no leh...i bao it. my shirt no smelly. So....yarh neighbour's house....will try to get it back though. My bf say his sister might want, since it no smelly, can keep ba. =D
Bunny so damned cute~♥ *swoons*
Saturday, May 14, 2011
So i guess i am alone? So...
Mewsh = me, as u humans know.
I guess what he says did me justice. But...i dunno...some part of it makes me feel that i am sinful still. After what i did in my past, i am sure i hurt many others with that arrogance and selfishness i have. *sigh*
But am sure i have no wrong, no regrets.
Monday, May 9, 2011
It's all so comfy with him, it always makes me so sleepy and calm. There were no quarrels, just random chat and discussions that made me reassured again and again that i can trust him and love him more.
Just have to draw this to vent my overwhelming love for him~
A portrait of me and my love ♥ I bet we'll be having small eyes babies in the future. Hahaha...
Yes i intend to like end up with him in marriage eventually.
Reply to Sandra's comment: Thanks couz~! =) I'll try to give it my all in design comm. but in regards to animation, i can self-teach. I know a good advance animation book that i will be able to use to gain instant access to disney like animation. Just have to find it and dig it out when i go to the bookstores.
For character animation
This is a very cool effects book I've read and it has a guide to do like traditional 2d animation liquid-like animations for water/fire/wand sparkles effects. U should dig it out somewhere and read it too~! It's a really awesome book!! =D
*wants vol2 too* (saves monehhh*
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I hope i won't regret on giving up on further animation studies and pursue fine arts related field studies...
Well u guys may have known, i gave up on continuing pursuing on animation and took up a design comm course which has more link to contemporary fine arts really than animation or film.
Suddenly i dunno what is right anymore. Very confused, but still...i love animating a lot. But i wanted to pursue something which i can understand how my artwork affects others. Maybe i could input that magic from animation into contemporary arts itself. And i kinda wanna make it happen. i know i love drawing...pursuing anything that allows me to do that will be enough to keep me happy. But I'm kinda nervous and scared now, picking up something new. I am kinda like a freshman when it comes to fine arts itself. Honestly, i do not like it very much, the modern arts. But somewhat, i have the urge to want to "overtake" the current trends + understanding how an art form can affect another human. Thus...i picked up the current path...
Still somewhat...i feel kinda sad for it because i really really love animation and film studies.
Somewhat...somehow...i hope i can make it. Turning my path to contemporary arts but still WITH my animation input.
I will not give up my 5 years old dream, back in 1995...my dream to become a cartoonist and an artist. I hope that everyone will lend me their love and support for me to achieve that.
I seriously need that backup courage that i lacked badly.
Damned...i am so emotionally bad when it comes to adapting.|
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Days when we were stupid kids, our dear Grandpa will always bring us out for tikam or icecream on his old trusty motorcycle.
We will miss you for everything. T-T
Rest in Peace, we naughty kids will grow up to be awesome adults, you wait and see.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Let's see: YOU never invited me out anymore for at least 1 year or more (simply to say u totally forgot about me), never treated me anything, never chat with me, never have concern with my life, never even will call me for your wedding dinner etc etc. What in my position to do things for you for free?
Well, to you i may look selfish. But who's the selfish one? You let me do things for you for free, while i starve eating Instant noodles everyday, feeding on MSG, feeding on Coffee to boost my brains, travel out to get my EXPENSIVE art materials just for your work etc etc and i get nothing...NOT EVEN A SINGLE "THANKS" at least. OK, maybe just one thanks, then you disappear again from my life until u need something from me again. FREE.
So what if you don't have the "TALENT" to do something, it took me 16 years to perfect what (my artwork skills) i have now. I don't see why i have to starve and give you something. I just earned 2k from my boyfriend for work and now it's draining away for you humans. This is kinda like my breakin' point already, as you humans might have known. i am not that rich, and i already lost like 3kg in the last few months. I AM UNDERWEIGHT NOW, YOU FOOL AND U STILL WANNA MAKE ME STARVE?? DAMNED.
Even my BF pays me for my work, i don't see why u as my friends can't.
Friends from dA, Facebook and reality, understand my plight.
"But BEWARE of people trying to take advantage of you. Many people want things for free and this is too much to ask for sometimes. When you are starting out free is understandable, but eventually you will reach a point where your computer will break, your car needs gas, and your camera is expensive and you will realize free means you don't have any money to do it anymore. So once you get good start charging!"
(Quoted from Apri1)
It's because i feel that you're my friend that i do something for you, FOC. If you never treated me as one, have some humanity.
At least, gimme a meal.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
I don't know what I'm saying now is actually right. There's always gray lines, so what i say may not be entirely true.
My ex-es have disrespected me or my life, you my readers had seen these in your eyes through my blog, through my life itself. I'm tired of crying, tired of dying and EXTREMELY TIRED of feeling guilty. I've lived my life trusting who i shouldn't trust and i need not it happening again. I have given so much in return to just cry in the dark, WHAT THE HELL?? It hurts me even more that they have no guilt for themselves and it totally URKS me to see them trying to make themselves the hero of their story. Even though they might or might not know it, they always have some scheme up in their hands to exert pressure and guilt on me. Making me the guilty party, the 'bad girl'. Each and every time, the breakup turned out to be something their peers will KILL me about. "She should die, she does not deserve you." I'm not blind ya' know? I still have eyes and stop making it public that I'm a slut. Maybe i should die. But i am sure, being the one that dumped them, they do not deserve me. It's like keeping a pet, if you don't have the heart to love and take care of it properly, DON'T. Sheesh.
I have the rights to love whomever i want and dump whoever that disrupts my life. Life's harsh, just take it in. If you still think you have no wrong, you shouldn't even talk to me right now. Though I might be at fault, I'm sure SOMETHING triggered it, ya know.
My current boyfriend loves me, respected me and even more encouraged me for everything i do. I do not feel the pressure of age, occupation nor education status. Though he couldn't speak English well, though he knows NIL about art. I find nothing to dislike him. He made me understand more about myself, understand there should not be such pressure upon our relationship. He makes me feel that i need to even more improve myself in whatever ways and it will not cause any pressure in our relationship, more aiding then failing actually. He's pretty much ok with my friends and thinks that Ah Muis is amusing <3.
I am happy.
I will even more happy if my past stop haunting me though, every time just wanting me to feel guilty that i have dumped a joke of my life. Stop talking about him, stop stalking my blogs and online networks if you don't want to get hurt, stop talking about me with MY PEERS and my dear friends, please just ignore them. THEY ARE NOT 100% correct ya know. I love you humans more than any men you know that and will gladly kick them aside so we can be together always.
Don't know what else to rant about...and oh!
Stop crying for lord's sake. It's not going to get my sympathy even if you die in front of me, being the cold-hearted self i am. Not even for Japan's recent disaster. Pfft.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sexy Lacy Demon.
Lacy's kinda like my spirit of revenge to my haters *laugh*
I'm AN ARTIST. I'm not gonna swear or fight like a hooligan, this is what i do and what i like to do.
This is a drawing, with a message to my haters.
I have nothing against you, you're probably a ranting idiot. I'm a bitch, and still have my stand that i am cute, sexy, smart and talented, while you're just a useless idiot who just wanna get angry at me while i am having fun trampling your ego with my sexy S-curve everywhere.
So, there... you go.
TASTE MY ALL LACED EVIL SEXIFIED PANSU YOU SISSY BIA-TCH!!! WOOTS!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
You are a Cautious Visionary
about you: You are a Visionary
Your imagination, self-assuredness, and knowledge of the world combine to make you a VISIONARY.
You have clear notions of how things could be, and the confidence to try to make them that way.
You enjoy having a routine, and prefer comfort and familiarity to risk and adventure.
Not needing others' approval to forge ahead, you are confident in your designs for the future.
Your imagination allows you to envision the world as a better place.
You're better at thinking of the big picture than you are with details, and you can see wonder in abstract things.
Style and appearances are important to you, and you have a good eye for beauty.
You are somewhat rigid in your beliefs, which comes from both confidence and an aversion to change.
You are good at creating works of art in forms with which you're familiar.
Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts
You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
You much prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute. Your decisions are well thought out, and you're not the least bit impulsive.
You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.
Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.
If you want to be different:
Appreciate the earthly, functional elements of things.
Your clarity of vision sometimes prevents you from being open to new ideas. Try expanding your horizon of experiences, and experimenting with novel ways of doing things.
how you relate to others
You are Cautious
Being independent, practical, and somewhat guarded with others makes you CAUTIOUS.
You tend to keep to yourself, wary of trusting others with personal information.
The values that you hold are central to your identity—you are a very principled person.
You have respect for the natural order of things, and a good sense of right and wrong.
Investigating the world through observation, as opposed to interaction, is preferable to you.
You have an appreciation for those who have attained a certain level of accomplishment, particularly the rare few who have succeeded honestly.
You are efficient—when you work with others, you get down to business, and fulfill your obligations.
You sometimes wish that others would be more like you—less hindered by their emotions, more respectful, and more private.
If you want to be different:
Finding a few close others whom you can trust will allow you to express yourself more openly, and possibly to learn more about yourself.
Your Personal DNA Maps (Above)
Here are personalDNA maps that uniquely represent your personality. Mouse over any part of the box or strip to learn more about the traits that the colors represent.
Your Personality Chart
This chart shows thirteen personality traits. Each bar indicates the percentage of test takers who entered a lower value for that trait than you did. For example, if Confidence is at 80, that means that 80% of people entered lower values for confidence questions than you did. Based on a sample of 30,000 users. Click here to learn more about the traits.
|Trust in others|| ||4|
|Attention to style|| ||88|
Resulting now that the over heaty-ness in my body, that now i have a bloody sorethroat and i mean it literally since there's signs of blood in the phlegm. Poor me.
At least now my life is happier with my boyfriend. =D Who always looks out and cares for me, with me as his first interest of life. We're been together for like a month plus now and we never had any argument. *CHEERS* Well there was tears a few time, when i was having some gastric problems and almost fainted (+ almost fell off vehicle while doing that)while vomiting out my gastric juices + blood. He cried as he thought i was going to die. (=.=") Then got me to nom herbal meds everyday ever since and so i am healthy now again i guess....more or less.
What a hot day it is today. And I'm plainly blogging because i am bored and want to try out if that tumblr thing is working here. If you're interested, here's the link.
http://kittylovespudding.tumblr.com/(I'm making it as a artblog though with some other random stuff with feeds from blogger (here) as well. WOOTS.
Here's a pic of me and my darling @ Marina Bay. =3
I think that's it for now!
Happy Lunar New Year in the year of the Hare~!!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
So now i look SHOOOoooo AWESOME i can sweep u guys down with my awesomeness if i want to...OH HO HO HO...
My health is deteriorating thanks to my gastric, which is forbidding me from much acidic food or i will throw up every bit of food i eat. OH BYE BYE COFFEE, TEA AND SPICINESS....T-T
I still take a lil but people are just forbidding me to touch those food and now i am sad. :(
Hmmm...what else i shall say huh....i think i'll reserve it till i blog next time...OH OH...