Sunday, September 27, 2009

Kitty hates online HJJ...

This is why....
So bloody pissed off by it. What does he think i am?? An internet sex toy?!!*growls*
(my blog link on myspace)

I don't really know how these people think, what the hell they think they are?
i blocked him of course....but before that, see how many times i toleranted his comments....

*growls* GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Life of a Stone Cat

Dropped myself into one of those dark holes again AS USUAL because I'm a bloody forgottened individual AS USUAL. How pathetic it seems to get mad at SOMEBODY and he/she responds me with nothing. Wow! It seems that whatever i feel or do or my existance, it DOESN'T matter! The Earth will still orbit, people will live FINE OFF WITHOUT ME.

HOW CAN HUMANS BE SO SELFISH!! Everytime they seek out love and warmth from me and yet denies mine when I need someone! My silence means less noise pollution, my tears means nothing, my lonliness is what i deserve, IS THAT RIGHT?!! I do not know else anymore, why am i always the cause of every fault? I'm just a STONE that happens to be in your way anyways...yet You yourself walked over it yourself and tripped. In the end I'M THE BLOODY FAULT THAT U FELL and yes as usual THE PAIN I FELT FROM YOU TRIPPING OVER DOESN'T MATTERS!! Yes, I'm sorry about it but yet....are you? And then again, everytime, my efforts of lifting you up as a 'stepping stone', I'm not appreciated anyways and forgotten soon after you're at the top.

Do you even care that it hurts as much as you stepping on or over me as much as it hurts yourself when u hit the ground?

My existance is too mild for your amusement, so mild that you won't even bend down to look at me unless the sun shines light on this PERFECT ANGLE that allows me to shimmer or when you need me because something is stuck in your shoe. SORRY THAT I'M NOT ALL THAT PERFECT! I'm not diamond nor cystal, gold nor silver.

Just someone who's just around when you need it and disappears when u don't since I'm thrown right back onto the pile of other stones, blended and vanished.

You're right, as u think u are.

I'm not one to tamper with your answers or decision, I don't have the rights to.

Yet i will give an advice, which you will definately forget after 1 hour after closing this page, sadly. Think back how many times you've aquired something from a source, think back where did the source come from. For once, just ask yourself, your answers to your life, to yourself as you are now.

'Are you thankful to be you?'

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

One of Mewsh fav illustrators!!

I love otter

Just like Mewsh!

maybe not so.....

Monday, September 21, 2009

Kitty delusions....

Once upon a time, There was a man who dreamt that he was a butterfly, fluttering higher and higher, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. He was conscious only of his happiness as a butterfly, unaware of who he originally was. Soon he awaked, and there he was, veritably himself again. Now he do not know whether he was then a man dreaming he was a butterfly, or whether he is now a butterfly, dreaming he is a man.

That's kinda how i feel about life. Whether I'm dreaming or not, this instant. My existance seems so vague, I question myself, if life do exist.

It seems I'm left with December 21, 2012 to decide my fate.

If I'm am dreaming now. I hope...I'll never wake up.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Mew's Mayan's Divination

I ish Lizard nyaaaa!! Oh mais.....actually quite true also
though dun really now what it means

born July 14, 1990
DAY-SIGN: 11-Lizard (Maya: 11-Kan)
YEAR: West -5 (Tikal System)
13-DAY PERIOD: 1-Ocelot (Maya: 1-Ix)
VENUS PHASE: Morning Star

The Day-Sign of Your Birth
Lizard: You are a true individual. You compromise only under extreme pressure, and then resent it if you have to. You often attract attention by being different, but this action often meets your "performance needs." More often, you are simply too involved in your own interests to even care what other people think about you.

Because you have a strong desire to appear before the public in some way, it is highly likely that you do work that is creative or performance oriented, and you are probably very competent, possibly outstanding, at what you do. Your standards are always high and you are probably an influential force in your world. You have natural leadership instincts and are not hesitant to take charge of situations when necessary. Others respect your competence and will follow your lead.

You do not tolerate superficiality. You take your interests very seriously, these often being "heavy" subjects like science, philosophy, religion and metaphysics. You are a powerful thinker and you are not easily swayed by argument. It is this mental determination that allows you to accomplish as much as you do. Down deep, you are very serious about your life.

In relationship matters, sexuality is a major issue for you. You are probably a highly sexed individual who needs to have an outlet for all that primal energy roaring within you. Many Lizard personalities channel this energy into work, music, ritual or other rhythmic and artistic projects. You may need to find a balance between overt sexual aggressiveness, which can lead to unstable and controversial relationship patterns, and sexual repression, which can cause just as much damage.

Like lizards, which perch on rocks or branches waiting for their meals to come to them, you may often appear on the surface to be lazy. But in reality, you are a passive stalker who works in full public view. You are quick to react to opportunities and make contacts with the right people and this allows you to move upward socially without offending many people.

Your Deeper Self -- The 13-Day Week of Your Birth
This is the eleventh day of the 13-day period beginning with 1-Ocelot. Beneath your surface personality you are an explorer of the human condition, a communicator, and a person who struggles with self-control. Critical events, such as deaths or other powerful transformations, have caused you to turn inward and keep much to yourself. You should be realistic about responsibilities because you tend to either shirk them or take on too many. Personal success comes through expressing your creativity through ideas. You would do well as a teacher, writer or communicator of some kind. You are also something a reformer -- a carrier of radical ideas

I wonder if time will really stop at Dec 21, 2012, of ish just the Mayans people just didn't know or do the following years...

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Monday, September 7, 2009

Locked and bored kitty.

It's been around 3 weeks since i last stepped out this house (Plus the fact that not even stepping out into the yard), has been killing me throughly inside. Looking at the pulled down curtains made me feel that kind of enclosure more.

How long since i last look up at the sky?

My life these few days only revolve around this room and phonecalls to Leon, which he always seemed to have not enough time for me. I agree, I'm pathetic.

Games never seemed to interest me long enough, since I get bored easily. My lack of presence made me feel invisible. But i guess it's a better way. No one will bother me, no one will tell me anything bad, no one will care if i suddenly begin to rot here and die.

Thinking about so many things lately, while locking myself in here. Most of them made me cry. I was crying so hard almost everyday, since i practically have nothing to do. But crying till i got sick is bad. I actually got headache one night and threw up till day time. I wonder what was left of my maggi supper after flushing them all down the toilet.

Well, actually, I didn't care to smile at all. Thinking back to things I've done wrong.

There's so many thing. Many are caused by my own stupidity. Like lying to my ex, even when we broke up. And getting guided away by strangers, gotten into many dangerous situation like that even though I'm not a kid anymore. (Have to run away everytime, but thank god i can run fast!) What else....Hmmm....yeah, not forgetting, those unforgettable scenes where i was trying to kill myself. I've tried cutting, hanging, and well...i almost jumped off the balcony as well.

Thinking back, everything to now. I'm still living thanks to my friends. (Not saying family, as they are the TOP OF THE LIST of: 'Why i need to kill myself' list.)

Well, there's still a lot of times, people just get mad at me and tell me reasons i don't see how i can comprehend. Like you know what my parents hate me for? My mother said that I'm hateable because i act 'mysteriously'. I don't see how I'm doing that. I just quiet most of the time and do things on my own. And KC got angry with me just because I got on the bus before she did. First and Foremost, she didn't tell me to wait or anything. Secondly, she ignored me when i was apologising. I dun see the point why she does it and I'M ALREADY APOLOGISING, what does she want? And then people always tell me to stop crying and stuff. I don't seen why they just don't let me finish, since I will automatically calm down later. Like, I don't eat when I get upset. What they tell me are, if i don't eat they'll ignore me. Well, ya....go ahead. I don't really care. Since i already feel this very big gap wth people who ever used that to threaten me.

Yeah, I take stuff pretty seriously, especially when people use that. I've cried so many times, because i 'break the rule' so thinking that people will ignore me forever. In the end, seeing them laughing at me because I take it seriously and that it is not threatening. Ok, now I'm the laughing stock. I'm a laughing stock because i thought him/her is going to ignore me forever.

Tell me if i make sense.

I really don't know what the hell is in these humans' heads lately. Holidays are probably screwing mine it seems.


I need a hug.